THE MASON AND FRIENDS SHOW — EPISODE 22
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Ladies and gentlemen, once again, the Mason and fringe show featuring the Jew Unit. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Hey. Episode number 22, once again, coming at you. Live action style. Super live action. I'm apologize for any offense. And I do tonight offend Dacian. You hear that shit? I don't offend Asian. Of the states that happen. That's just what happened. I am a little drunk. Had got a little drunk on the way home. We're pretty way home because. Maryland. Freeway home. Freeway home because Maryland traffic fucking blows. Like if John Combs was, like, super black. That's how bad Maryland traffic blows. Like, if he's rocking with 19, whatever. Let's say he's going to be two and four wide like he's you going to pop out and make some shit happen. I mean, like you are going to do. You really are a drunk because you're not making too much sense. But I think I know what. You're saying. What I'm saying you got dislocation, Joe, to make that happen.

You're like a snake where you can pop your lower and lower. Level jaw just pops out. Or. Like, natural. Or like jaws, where you you shit buckle down or you got the top, the upper jaw does his retractable shit or whatever the fuck. He'd be, you know, he'd be just, you know. Yeah. No, I know what you're saying. Like when a when a snake eats a fish in this fucking jaw. Yeah. He pops door out of place. You know, you gotta get a little Mel Gibson, you know, pop it out of place, you know, and then do what you gotta do. And then find a two by four and bust that motherfucker back in there. Know you knew what you did with his shoulder. You know what I'm saying? You don't know about Lethal Weapon, man. Please, please. Full weapon. Returning the dislocated shoulder to the. To the. Busted chicken in like a one. Nothing, man, I be gambling that away, man. I be like, I bet you I can't find my shoulder out of place.

Right back in. Jack paycheck. You'd be betting people paychecks on that shit. Ha, ha. You know, I don't think that'd be the worst thing. Fuck, no. And then I was just. Out. And I busted right back in. I'm like, give me your money. That ain't pay the man. I'll be gone. I go to that bag, and I try that shit over there in the fucking outback. You know, I do the other shoulder, though, because the because he probably. You probably can't. You probably can't get. But maybe two pops a night. I don't know. One, two pops a night for the dislocated shoulder. Yeah. If you could double up on the right or I'll go to the left because I, like, still like to be my dick, you know? And I gotta keep my strong I am so I mean, I go, I bust off the left twice. You want, you want your dominant hand to beat. Off when I got. Keep him strong, man. You know, I mean, I can't fuck up my girlfriend like that. You know what I mean?

She ain't doing nothing wrong. You know what I mean? So fucking. That's what I that's what I had that that's what I had had that happen. Well, you make a good point. Yeah. I'm saying. Talking to the grandstanding motherfuckers. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's what. That's what I'm fucking. Yeah, we got some good shit going on. Around here. You got some Chattanooga ten fucking. See how the we watching cops, man? Y'all. We're definitely watching. Is missing some good shit the other day, man. Is the funniest shit I don't ever seen hurt in my life. This majic. Oh, this one. The motherfucker making meth in the goddamn kitchen in the trailer, I damn it ain't gonna clear. All right. Anyway, they got they getting ready to barricade. They like, hey, you can't stay here. You go get to get the fuck on out. We can put the caution tape over the door. Bet you gone. It's that any fucking way.

So they don't they don't. They don't pull up over this man. This man don't stole some stick and jab slap this chick, you know, had a bleeding and shit like he robbed her. But the fucked up thing about he is handicapped, you know, saying, you know, I'm saying Ted. She's handicapped. He was handicraft. She wasn't. He was. He went to wheelchair. He'd around this bitch in the wheelchair. Right. He know stole from. You mean he rolled up on her and told her to run the jewels? Play that part. I guess he just. Rolled up. As he. He rolled up off fast. His arm, you know, glided his arms down the whip. He took time off from the Wheelchair basketball League. The Robins lady. Well, he hit the Saudi brake on her real quick and post up and there's like, yo, what's up with them Newport Hornets in a box? And she's like, I didn't. He was like, yo Newports! I knew the bathroom. Yeah, he was black. So of course he needed.

What was that how. It works. Yeah I guess I'm out smoke cigarettes, but I don't know. But you wouldn't get no marble green 100. I know that, right? Yeah, right. Well, you know, certainly not at the store. So he getting that he getting that junk. Right. So he's sitting there, she went to grab for him because he obviously had no money. Yeah. And and he don't fucking jabbed her real quick. No. Busted her all up. She bleeding all over the place. Right. So the man show up in like. Yeah. Where'd he go? And she like he over day. So of course he was in the wheelchair. He ain't really get to fake. He was just two. He was just rolling down the street. Two. Right. He went like really stroking a rod. So he wasn't actively trying to get away. No. He was just like rolled it down, full extension and then rock and roll extension and let it ride, you know what I mean? Like wheelchair ride. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, no. Like, I'd have been moving, like, if I did a robbery on the wheelchair. I start doing visual. Because. People can't figure out when I go to. Nobody can understand what you're talking about because you're not articulate. If you start reading books, bro. I'm telling you, man. Oh my God. All right, so, like the handicap, Moe chicken just gripped the wheel of chair and stroked it downward and was thrusted to fuck. Yeah, no, I know how to. I know how to move a wheelchair, man. You get that fucking rolling. Yeah, yeah, but pumping your arms all. Hard about right there because we're saying fucking visual when you get to it. Well, but it's, it's like there's like in a, there's like an element of context, you know, like if you, if you just say like, you. Know, speech, right? Motherfuckers know what you're talking about. Well, good luck. Speechwriting if you ever heard. I mean, I know you heard. Me if you are taking it,

if you've been reading books, no words and shit, you might be able to get your point across. I mean, maybe, but whatever. Fucking. Either way, I don't, you know, all this talking smart shit. I don't do this shit all the fucking time. So, I mean, I don't you know him. Well, like, you seem to take pride in, like, inadequately expressing whatever it is you're trying to say. I'm just trying to say what the fuck I'm trying to say was usually I don't ever fucking know. Like he's outbreak motherfuckers over here. And your fucking tie back suits and rubber booties carrying his carrying out the fucking chloroform. Oh, wow. They really were cooking meth up in there. He was trying to tell you. The old lady called him. Said my husband doing some shit back in his room. Did he keep locking? He's locked. Himself and he go take a fake shit. And then next thing I know, I keep smelling shit back from out of hat like he

he halves an arm, dead arms back and shit, and they're like. Well, you really have seen every episode of cops. Let me explain something to the listening audience. I'm not paying a lick of attention to this cops episode, per se, but, Mr. Jew unit here definitely seems to know what the fuck he's talking about, because they're definitely hazmat suit removing shit out of this trailer. Still there. It's dark now. Oh, yeah. No, that's a day. That's an all day operation. It is. It's dark now. They'll be back tomorrow to, like, run some tests over that thing and they burn the fucking trailer to the ground. But so. So when they pulled it, when they, when they, when they screwed up, when they roll up on a black man, literally. And the black man's rolling in his chair. Just ride. Right. But rolling, rolling. They like they, they, they put the handcuffs on his ass. Right? They put the handcuffs on like he like.

All right, now you need to sit right here. Let's get this figured out. Like, I like the man in the wheelchair. Like what? He really? Oh, yeah. I remember that episode the other day. He said, you know, why don't you just sit right here? Yeah. So now he's sitting there with hands behind him, locked up to the chair. Right. And then they then they go push him to the car because he can't roll. Because, you know, his hands behind his back. Right. So but they never showed how he actually got in the car. I don't know if they just like. Oh they dumped him. I'm telling you, they picked those back wheels up off the ground. They dumped his ass. I think they just flipped everything in the trunk. I think they just flipped the whole chair in him and just popped him in the trunk and then roll on out. Oh, absolutely. That's what. They say. Probably Freddie Gray to him. Stuck him in the back of, like, a loose van and drove around with him.

Oh, shit. And then the last, the last motherfuckers that I was watching, these boys, this dude, I don't know how he did it, but he was in, like, a talent. Who the fuck makes a town, you know? Eagle talent. Eagle talent. And who the fuck is that? Is that Mercury? No. Eagle talons. Basically a Mitsubishi Eclipse with a with an eagle name. Dude was in the back seat and was able to shove a needle in his ass, like like. And then the other boy who was driving shoved the needle in his ass. Was it the same needle? Different? There was two. No, two people, two needles like. Oh, that's pretty gross. All the way up in his ass on my not on my man. Right here it is the Pittsburgh, D. I don't like this fucking dude, man. Decent ass clown. He's always be fucking with people. You know this dude right here. Look at this dude. Damn, he look fucked up. But I don't know how he could do it in the back seat. That's. That's town.

All. See why? What's bothering him? Is just fucking black dudes hanging out. Well, yeah. I mean, when you when you watch the episode of any episode of cops, you pretty much come to realize, like, I guess if you stand around on a street anywhere, like, cops feel the license just to pull up and be like, hey, what's going on? I don't do that. Like, you ever see, like, groups of people standing around, you ever run up on him and be like, hey, what's going on here, fellas? I don't do that shit. I think. I don't know what makes a cop feel like he's got a license to do that shit. I sink for Hispanics sitting out there on the side of road and, well, at multiple times come home for the microphone checker. I seen like, seven Hispanics come, like, walking out the woods and shit. One hair and pickax motherfucker show. I think one dude at a rate. Think one dude had a book. I don't know. The book. I don't know.

I mean, I never. See like I wasn't suspect as a rape, as a cop. I wasn't too worried about the shovel and the rake. But when there's a book involved. All right, now we got this issue. What's going on here? You guys burying bodies out there in the woods? I think they was clearing the trail or some shit. Like I don't fucking know. Like, there was, like, eight of them, and they just come out the fucking woods. And that sounds feasible. Smelled like fresh chop footage. Tree is cleared. Oh, there's a gun. Oh, well. Oh, well. That's a sweet little piece. Was. Yeah. Too bad you can't buy him from the fucking cops. Oh, there's that fucking cricket, man. I'm a search for that motherfucker. Oh, you got a serious cricket action going on up in here. I think it's outside. I don't know, I mean, if it's inside, it's right. He's outside. Then you definitely got yourself a problem on your hands because, like, I mean, you could go on.

I mean, go on. I'd understand if you found his ass, killed him, and I probably do the same. I have to put. Them up. Yeah, exactly. Listen, I don't like that. I don't want I want to just have to kill some cricket. But, you know, if I can come up here and make all that noise, I'm gonna kill this ass. I have to either way, you know, the would be. The, like, mice, right? Like I wouldn't mind mice living in my house. They didn't shit everywhere and chew up all kinds of nonsense. Try to eat my food if they want to. Just chill me like, yo, we gonna go outside and get some nuts and some grass, come up here and hang out in the corner. I'd be like, that's what's up. Let me get you out some water. You know what I mean? But like. Fucking with a Stuart little all day long. All day when they start needing shit and I'm starting. I can't claim when the motherfuckers. I'm trying to sleep and they run it up in there

making all kinds of racket at 2:00 in the morning. I would claim that if I, if they have a pet dependent, that's what I'm. That's what I'm turning a pet dependent. I'm gonna see if we can we can try to do that, incorporate that on the next tax write off. Shit. We're going to put pet dependent, you know. I mean, cause I can let him out kick it if he just if he just might have been coming here for a little bit of warmth. I'm a get him with. Exactly, exactly. If he come in here, kick a little bit of the warmth, then all. Well, he. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. This motherfucker got gun and crack. Oh, goddamn, man. How did. Oh, wow. Why are you hanging out on straight wall? Strap on the way. You probably making money. All right. Oh, you know, that's right. Oh, God. He got crack. We ain't got Pop Rocks all over the place, man. Son of a bitch. These fucking plainclothes officers are really annoying to me

because they look like just regular old dirtbags. I wouldn't want to serve at the bar. Yeah, they're just regular douchebags hanging out, just riding in his own, like Toyota Corolla. Right. Right, right. It's like. God damn. I pulled up in my fox body 5.0 and decided. I was. How busy the fucking cop, how busy the courthouse would be if they'd get one of these motherfuckers like an 89 Honda. Let them ride around fucking like. All right, let's give him a 93 so they can catch people. Give him a 9300. Have right up, down 66. Now, how many motherfucking joint smoking motherfuckers they ride up beside, you know what I mean? And what I mean, special 66. Complete waste. From like, 3 to 9 is definitely, you know, you either better be fucking. If you want to get through it. You better be smoking or drinking or doing something. You don't have to do something because sitting there fucking stop and go shit is ridiculous.

Like we left traffic was at 430 4:00 when we were leaving and then up relieving again at like fucking six and still sitting in traffic like 7:00 stop for trying to get across the goddamn bridge. Like come to fuck on, man. That's that's good stuff right there. You know? That's fucked up. Yeah. Like you, you stuck in traffic. Here's what everybody thinks. That they all live in there like. No, I feel you don't because it's fucking bullshit. If you made 6612 lanes, we still be stopping and going. And that's the real depressing part of it all. They put on ways, and sometimes people will be people behind me luncheon because they be like, y'all fucking suck. I wish y'all would learn how to fucking drive if there's like a wreck I've seen a couple times, they better be somebody dead up this motherfucker. And I'm like, hell yeah, man, I need a ride. Ride. And then they'd be Narcan. They'd be Narcan like a mouth. Narc on ways.

Hey ho non hoven, motherfucker. Hoven. License plate BJ d 9784 I'm like, oh, wow. They getting damn, like, all over there. What are they knocking on? What are they knocking on? Just told you they fucking fake hoven. They. If motherfucker got one person in there. H o. V license plate and shit like that, fucking write it right down. This is my fucking fake hoven. License plate number by the bottom. By the bottom. Bam! I'm like, God damn. Hell, I ain't fake Oates. I've just driven down the HOV before by my goddamn stuff. That's fake Hoover. I understand what y'all calling it, but like, I ain't faking fake hoven to me would be, like, if I had a blow up doll in the passenger seat. Now that's real. That's super fake. Hoven. It can't be super fake at Hoven. Oh, that's with a purpose right there. That's like I had a plan when I came to work. Today, so. Well, no Hoven. Hoven then. Is that more better?

Yeah. There you go. I let him know. Hoven. Hoven. I understand what it's like to get down the road, but it really. I mean, how much more faster is that fucking Hovland? Because it is so much faster. You have no fucking idea. I ride it every fucking day. Oh, I have, I have driven down that when like 66 is a mess and like I, I was driving at one time and I was like, oh shit, I'm not supposed to be in this lane. You know, it was like 310 or something. And it was like 3 to 7. You're not allowed in that lane. And I was I was riding along and I and I was like, it was going so slow in the other three lanes or four lanes. I was like, you know what? Fuck it. Write me a fucking ticket. I'm a ride to spit you out until, like, it's real easy to get over. And eventually there was a spot I could get over. But I went from like, fucking the Beltway to probably Manassas, like. But other times this fucking stop, like, after 4:00, this stop fucking go

fuck! Oh, yeah. It can all get like that. Three 4:00. It's not that bad. But yeah, the Jay Hova lane moves prefer to. Jump lanes in order to get the fuck down six six you have to jump lanes. So y'all motherfuckers honking me all y'all want. I don't give a fuck. Essentially I'm always going to fucking pass you. I got nowhere to go, but I'm going there fucking faster than you. No matter what, I do not care. Last ticket I got in Maryland because Maryland police do not like being passed. Even if you're passing them just above the speed limit, they still don't like fucking. Pulls. You over if motherfucker pull me over. That's the bullshit. That's what he said. Come back. I sent you, I sent you not wearing your seatbelt. And I'm like, well, look here, motherfucker, it's fake on right now because I got the bitch clipped and wrapped around the back seat. So from your backside looking in, it looked like I'm wearing it.

You really? It's just mad because I was able to make them motherfucking moves to get around these stupid motherfuckers and still kind of maintain the speed limit. And you over there, just fucking hot dog. And then the goddamn grandstanding. Grandstanding. And I am. Mad at him because he don't make it. He don't bust at the two laps because I seek the dumbass in the rear view trying to catch me and you out of pull you over because the shit you was use all herky jerky getting that fucking car to fuck over there in that goddamn lane. Can you drive? Can you motherfucking drive? Do not be mad at me cuz I can excessively evasively enter and enter and exit the fucking lane like bam. Like fucking in high school, like bam. You know what I'm saying? Like, don't fuck with me, all right? Like, I can't do a lot of shit good, but I can move a motherfucker whip. So, I mean, like I said, I got. I've seen you move some whips before. I know where to be back.

Got to be there fucking fast. And I tried like fucking hell. And I usually accomplish it, so that ain't a fucking reason. Stop bullshitting, y'all motherfucking cops that want to flip your fucking lights, get through the goddamn intersection because you don't want to sit there and make that fucking left turn. Cause you can't handle the truth. Don't you? Fucking good. God. See how I talk to wait for the mic when I got a little real. But. But that's the shit I'm talking about. Why the fuck you know what I'm saying? You got me driving like you. I don't fucking flip. Flip my high beams and go out there and put my head out the window. Just pull right through the fucking light because I'm late for nothing. You don't go all Harry Henderson on. Yeah, I don't go. Hurry, Anderson on the chickens. I just drive real fast, you know? Then y'all motherfuckers. Like I said, y'all hot dog in the grandstand, you know.

Street grandstanding. And I thought, yeah. That's what it is. Busing that left with the. Gun. And I got a hard time. Hold these alligators. Who are who? That. That's a flare. Macho right into it. Woo woo woo. Woo hoo! We are doing. And we're doing another. Anybody else on? Who we are doing? And we're doing it better than anybody else alive. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, the base of the fridge show. We're on tour, and we're doing it better than anyone else. A lot. Oh, you know that, right? We are doing that. We're doing. A lot right now. We're touring around Virginia. You know, y'all check us out of the next the next spot. We're probably going to be in Warrenton. Warrenton, Virginia. And area warranty, Virginia. Previous spot was We were in Warrenton. Virginia from Royal Oak. Yeah, we'd been up into some Linden action pride. In Front Royal, some Linden action. We've been on the on the road.

We're we're working towards an on the road, set up. Maybe we can, Oh, where they can pull them? Well, they already pulled over. They can't pull over no more. They're gonna get pulled over. I guess. This fucking cop stuff is just picking. He's bucking. Look at him, man. He's running. Granddad is going to fucking jail. Start grandstanding. And I think. You know, with the wrong way. How you wrong. He really. Wrong way. He really fucked up. Oh he is gone. No he made it. How the. Fuck wouldn't it be great if he actually got away? I always room for people to get away in these shows and they never show him. He really ran left or. Too many alleys. Like you can't run in a neighborhood. Just got alleys and all kinds of cross streets. All that shit off the gate. He ran to the house and still got lost. He's got a ill mullet, though. He's got like hat head. Mullet doing it. He's got the he's got the back deep up.

Like I want to be an actor so I can play somebody like. That with the mullet. With him, with a mullet that runs from the cops, you know, like stupidly. Because, like, I'd get away if I was running from the cops in the neighborhood. I'd have got away, you know what I'm saying? Or I wouldn't have ran. Like, I. Go and it's I mean, I don't know. He looks like, he looks like grown up version of, like, the blond dude and Karate Kid. I think to try. That one bully dude in Karate Kid. Try that. I think I my son, I think I think if I sign up for that. For what? For what? I, I will go over to the police station, be like, hey, can I just try to run from y'all niggas on the time and see how good y'all really are? I want to try that. You know? It'd be cool is if they had a man, if they had a cops versus robbers racing video game simulator at the cop station, and you could go in and challenge officers to. Try to take them to the street.

No, I'm taking. The streets. I know what you're saying. Like, I don't think they'd let you do that because they probably got like, you know, insurance and legalities and like, we can't just be chasing around the fires. Oh, man, I don't know. I'm a sign. Hey, keep the sirens down. We'll be in, like, a legit area. Marcus. Let go. You know, 40. You know, seven minute. Seven minute, five in a mile. 12. Y'all know dogs. 12. Y'all. Instinct. Stop now I do for free fucking. They come if they want to do a chase down just to get their endurance up, I think I need to be something like that. Some fake stunt dummy. That would be interesting. I think I need to be in some fake stunt dummy life. Kind of like shit. Do you want to be a fake stunt dummy for the cops? Well, not for the cops in general. Oh, I see, like a stunt man in the movies. But fake when it don't really get real. Like, I don't really throw myself down a flight of steps, but, you know.

But I kind of will. But, like, I'll be involved with making it look like somebody fell down a flight of steps. Yeah, I'll trip the last two. I hear you like you'll do like the last 3 or 4. You'll roll. Just slide down for four feet. I'm gonna fuck something. Up on you, you know? You getting old? Two, man. We we a little bit old to be acting stunt man, you know what I mean? Like throwing ourselves down flights of stuff. I mean, I can still, man, I don't know. You can still roll down a flight of steps. No man can still run. I can definitely run like a Mexican for Trump. I mean, I could, I could I could definitely get it. Getting shins. I'm trying to tell you I just hit my I just hit my girl. I said, what's up with this up? My son Jack motherfucking wheels is cooling off. Let me get prime back. Softball season for you. You gotta be playing softball shit. Always softball season. That's like that.

I got to work my shit while it was still work. It ain't gonna work no more, I got it. Oh, I see, I understand. I got hit my people up about kickball. See what the fuck going on. To drive that bitch to the wheels fall. Off kickball. We on these people Sundays, man. Sunday. Sunday is kickball mass. Maybe. I mean. We'll get this money off this house and see if getting into some sort of new business venture. But, you know, probably be available on Sunday mornings. Mornings on a Sunday. What, like pre church, like y'all doing kickball before church. Yeah. Do y'all some real grown folk type shit? That's some really grown up people shit right there. Like we be playing kickball at 7:30 a.m.. Do you go to church? Get ready. That's what I thought. You can't be. Talking about. Exactly. Can't be telling me. Oh, that's church. I'm saying, man. Like I know how church time schedules work. Okay, but. You don't believe that my crazy ass is rolled up to the fucking.

Squad. In my motherfucking time in my fucking dress. I do believe that. That's what I'm saying. Like I'm saying, like, pre. Hold on. I got my church shoes on. No. No. This. But the balance motherfucker happens to stand in the kick ball field today. His grace, his presence upon your mother fucker. I will grant you the privilege of now in that she to do that. Is nothing, miss. To day. That's what I hit him with. Hurry times if I ain't late. In Holland. Ass busting through there, bumping up some green or some real shit. Doing about 109 in the parking lot, you know, listen to some shit you shouldn't be doing 109 two. Like I'm busting Isley Brothers like a break right in parking spot. Bam! They're leaving it up for. No, no, no, no, I can take that because, you know, like, you know what? My favorite 100 mile an hour music is? Oh, we run about 100 miles an hour of this. I'd be like, yeah, let me see if I can find a limit on March 2nd.

Just go down to where? Well. Oh, this is the shit for she's like, there is no I mean. To me. I mean, that shit right there. Down down down down down, man. Man, I do love me some biggies. I like disco, I like music, you know, I'm. In general. Is all music in general is pretty fucking awesome. Time frame. Gotta need to make a drink. We can shut it down. We we were on into the we we about mid 20s at this point. We spent something in Brooklyn. Oh yeah. Yeah. See I got a couple of who he is. Yeah. They start bringing standing and I thought you now. That fucking grandstand is a hot dog is man that shit is just too much man. Like he is. So macho man was the fucking man. Since there's nobody like that in wrestling these days. I guess that's why I'm not into wrestling for a long time. Oh, yeah? Oh yeah. So yeah. Yeah. I love it. Oh, yeah. Whoa, whoa. The way he just drop his shoulders back and stretch up on that.

Like he. Who he get into that motherfucker. The Alpha doing the avenue and. Yeah. Oh. Oh, get some fried chicken in the morning. Oh, yeah. You know. That's right. Oh, hell yeah. You got some hella shit showing on these cops episodes. I ain't paying attention. What's going on now? It's just half naked white trash motherfuckers answering the door. I didn't see that dude in a half ass looking thing or something like that. I thought he just put a paper bag around and real quick and had to roll out and to the door. I thought that's what had happened. Like he just cut the top out of it. Or I answered the door for the cops like that before in a towel. I was in the shower, my old house, one time when one of the many times with the cops came. And this is my fucking, you know, he banging on the wall for like 15 minutes while I'm all up in the bowels of my house and shit, not paying attention. So I keep hearing this just like.

And I'm like, what the fuck is that? And then it stops and then it and I'm like, God damn it, that's up to some motherfucking cops here again. See, I got, like, shampoo in my hair. It's raining outside. The cops beating on my door in the rain. I come to the door naked with a towel on. With shampoo in my hair. I said, who the fuck are you here for? It's a Christian Phillips. Ain't no motherfucking Christian Phillips here. God damn it! Said, looking at him and told y'all motherfuckers over and over and over again. What the fuck? And the guy was like, yeah, well, you know, we just got to keep here coming here looking for him. And I said, well, I'd stand out here on the porch with you, but I probably end up getting all wet if I stay out here. So just. I'll see you later, because I'll see you next time you come here looking for somebody I ain't never motherfucking met. There you go. Is it gonna be James next time?

I was looking for a fucking James. Daniel Cook was the next one. It started at Christian Phillips and it was Daniel Cook. And then it was April. Press on TV, ain't he? Who? Daniel cook, you should say. I don't know if that's Dane. That would have been funny. That's Dane. Yeah, yeah, that's Dane Cook you talking. About like man man, y'all got me that. My fucking right here on Comedy Central right now son. We watch the stand up. Jack, you want to sit down? Watch. No, you can't smoke weed. Get the fuck out of my house. I can't come in here because we're blazing. Each of the motherfucking. Hey, you got to take it out of bed ass up on here, because Sesame Street don't fucking cancel. So they come through two, but they come through in the middle of the night. Their whole nother game is a whole nother beast. I mean, d they run up on me. I'm answering the door naked at that point in time of my life.

If it's past whatever. Like you like em dressed now. So, I mean, I got just got company, you know? I mean, oh, I was in my boxers when I answered the door with. The naked little baby. I should have, I, I should have pulled out. I should have pulled out all my clothes. Just fucking. It's my property, ain't it? Fuck. Your kids are charged. You know, indecent exposure on a grown man for the door. Naked in my own spot. But I will make sure I never pass the threshold. I mean, I let you close my door, motherfucker, because I ain't passing that line naked, and I ain't going to get clothes on. I'm gonna stay naked. I'll leave the. Like, open when I when I build my next property. Like, if I ever get any more property, I'm going to build a house from scratch. But I'm going to get one of those old school metal screen doors so that whenever the cops come, I could just stand behind the screen door and I absolutely stand around naked, and I'll come to the door with like,

a, like a glass of iced tea, you know what I mean? And be like. Is that lemonade? No, no, no ice tea. Oh, that's what I'll say. Iced tea. No no no. Lemonade, motherfuckers. Yeah, like that's what I'll be doing with the cops the whole time. I'll be acting all weird. That's the. That's what, the best fucking commercials ever. I'm gonna stand there with my. Yeah, that's a pretty good one. I'm gonna stand there with my iced tea, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna rub my nipple with it behind the metal screen door while the cops ask me strange questions, like. But you know what's beautiful? If I build a house on a piece of property that's never had a house on it before, the cops aren't going to come looking for people that used to live there. They were up to all sorts of deviant activities. Now it's going to come and look for you. Well, you know, hopefully I can hopefully I can manage to not have them come looking for me, you know what I mean?

I mean, what the fuck happened here, man, I got. It, I wanted him. I don't even know. You know, it's hard to keep up, man. It's hard to stay up with stuff. Lost a piece? That's been alone. We got it. What are we gonna do? But we can. Spin. A little if you want. I got beats rolling right now. I'll get you another one. I ain't really got that on topic. I ain't no I mean. Oh, Mr.. Note. Mr.. No topic. See how this sounds. Check me out. Yeah. Strange rhymes, strange beats, strange times. Chasing with cleats. You can't get away unless you win the streets. You need to take off them shoes and get some some cross trainers riding slow like the no brainers. I'm just out here doing my thing like Greg Louganis. Bust your head swimming in the water. There's no Amos for penetrating. It's all good, man. Who's waiting? I'm just blazing masturbate, playing, staking Lee, working my way through this whole thing, invading my brain.

I'm insane. Can't nobody keep up with me I ain't complaining. It's all good, man. I'm just refraining. Constantly. Individual. Working down the whole street. Indivisible. Walking around looking, looking down. Looking for the whole crew. The whole clown. Who's the next one? Where's the next sound? Who's the next beat? Who went down? Anybody come around one time. Next up, step up. I got a whole crew that is corrupt. It is next one. Like this. Watch the buck, I said walks in the street. Slide your car sideways to defeat inside's outsides. I don't want to hit this. Did I want to see him slide all. But I hit the brakes and ride real slow. You want to step up and let yourself go? Oh. I thought it was my turn to hit the deer. While hell is in the middle of the road. It's plenty of grass for you to walk around. Why did you have to choose the asphalt now and the asphalt that I picked before you? Rock, paper scissors, motherfucker!

I want you one. You fucked up my car because they don't make plastic like they did back in the 60s. 70, literally 80. That was fucking know. Fucking tough for me. Took a ride on the road. That shit is garbage. Nine name brand. It's like great value shit you get at Walmart. Oh my gosh, I got the fucking brand. Next thing you know, it's all over the fucking door because you bought that bullshit trash bags, man. When the doors and busses and now you got the skunks and the fucking raccoons doing up the rec. Oh, oh. What am I gonna do? Trash everywhere. What I gonna do? Seen a fucking raccoon run across the yard. Ain't got the BB gun. Nowhere close came Buster 22. Wow. Cause the neighbors is white. And you know what they do? They gonna call that man. They say shots fired. He's not even know squirrel. Because if I was hunting squirrel, I'd have a squirrel off. Y'all can come over here and get some squirrel dumpling.

Spare me the sexy little white girl on TV. Now she gonna get a mere four. So that's how we roll. Next thing you know, we're going to bed that back. No. Oh, Wendy. Trying to rhyme. Do it as come fucking over me. Because usually I don't do that shit. I just spit what topics on my mind. And now we was talking about. I don't know what I think I'm gonna change to fried chicken. Cause I love me some fried fucking chicken. I just sing crack, come across the screen. They took another crack. I'm cooking nothing. Chicken. I can't wait till 4:45 a.m.. Cause I'm waiting on on out. And press the drum for our fucking wings. Cause it does not matter when it comes to fried chicken I'm not picky I love it how it comes. Oh, I love fried chicken. I need every day, in every fucking hour. Y'all don't even understand how I roll. I don't understand how I'm still living. Living off. I throw the fucking meat so the handles electrical.

How in the hell are you still surviving? All you do is drink liquor, cook a cola, eat fucking frozen pizza and fried chicken. Fucking Lunchables and fucking princess. How the hell get some fucking life offer for sex and granola bars? Oh my God, I want to know your. You don't want to see what I eat every day. I got a bag of fucking potato chips right beside me as we speak. I think I just had a bout 7 or 8 of those motherfuckers. Just am. Oh, I love the fucking junk food. What's your call? Junk food? I call real food. That's my greens. What, you gonna think I'm gonna fucking live today? Yo. I think I. Crazy shit. I guess you wanna have your fucking turn or you won't say shit. I might as well have a bad applesauce. Cause I love me some episodes with my fried chicken who don't love applesauce. But fried chicken? The only thing that goes better with is pork. Also love my apple sauce of my pork.

Whether it's a kind of loan or the fucking chop right on the bone or in the grill or oven, I'm not a fucking piggy. How you serve my fucking poached top, or fried chicken or chicken in general. Cause I don't give a shit. All eat everything. But it's wrong. I cannot fuck with the raw chicken. It's gotta be cooked. At least a medium well. God damn. The ladies and gentlemen are. Thank you so much for spending a little bit of time with us here at the Mason and Friends Show. We certainly do appreciate the time that you spent with us. Makes us feel very special. I love y'all, man. I'm warming all giggly inside like I'm glowing like those motherfuckers on that gas station commercial. When they get the credit card, they start glowing gold and shit like that on y'all Dong Dong bell. But all right then. It's a serious good feeling. And if you stayed with us this long, then you must be a friend of the Mason

and French. Yo, thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next. Time. I love y'all. Hey.