The Mason and Friends Show – Episode 1063 Transcript

Ladies and gentlemen,
for the
1,063rd time, it is
featuring that dude called big Mike.
Yeah.
As well as myself.
Mason, welcome to the Mason and friends show.
What's happening y'all?
What's good out there today?
Back at it again, big Mike.
Living the dream.
Oh, man.
Somebody. Anyway.
One day at a time. Creeping through, man.
So I told you, being my sister went to the convention the other day, right?
That's right.
You saw all of the black authors?
Well, at least some of them,
90 something. Quite a few.
No, that's. That's next year.
Next year is the big one. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
This one that we went to.
It was only like
maybe about 15 of them. 15.
Yeah, right.
All right.
You know, but on the way down there,
we have a
friend of ours that has been serving time for quite some time now.
You know what I mean?
And I haven't talked to this motherfucker, like, actually spoken to him.
I've sent him books.
You know what I mean?
And then fucking, you know, get worse for Christmas.
Your books.
Whatever. And, he's on the phone. Right?
And I'm talking to small fucking, and I'm I'm I'm retarded.
I do ignorant shit, you know what I'm saying?
And I was like, I'm just fucking with him, you know what I mean?
Because I'm like, bitch, you're in prison.
So you know. Yeah. What are you. Gonna do?
Not only that, but, like, motherfucker, you're just in prison, like, bitch.
Like, I don't know how else to have a conversation with.
So you're gonna socially browbeat him for being in prison for the sake of.
He's in prison, and it's
going to be better for him in the long run if you give him a hard time about it.
Not really.
Maybe it'll give him a just.
I'm joking around with shit, right? Okay.
So my sister goes, all of a sudden, she goes, hey,
it seems quiet in there this.
Morning, but you guys literally stopped at the jail. At the prison?
No, no no, no.
He called. He called her. He called the phone. Yeah.
And we're in the car.
So it's playing through the Bluetooth in the car while we're going.
Down, standing behind him, like, hurry up. Cut!
So? So she's talking.
I forgot I forgot how the conversation came to be,
but he was like, man, he goes, I ain't lying.
She was like, prisons different nowadays.
And I'm like, fuck you. Tell me what's different.
Prison is prison, motherfucker.
Like, how is it different than any other goddamn day?
You know, he goes, man, they be bringing these motherfuckers
in here with the bells and shit and the fucking titties.
I said, motherfucker still has a penis.
So these dudes that are transitioned.
Yeah, kind. They got.
Yeah. And Teddy and.
Well, I said, bruh, there's still a penis there.
It's still a dick. Yeah, you know what I mean?
No matter how much is there, no matter how much titties there,
they're still a dick.
Even when the dick leaves.
Used to be a dick. It's still a dick, you know what I mean?
So he's talking.
He's like, man, that's just different, man.
I said, no, no, ain't no different, bro.
I said, you know, when you get out there, you have to understand
a lot of pronouns and shit.
Now when you get out, he goes, motherfucker, up in here.
We keep it simple. They probably got that up in there.
He goes. We keep it simple up in here. That's. What are you talking about?
He goes, it's real simple.
There's us and then there's them.
And that's how we keep it.
I said, shit, you know what?
That simplifies every fucking thing.
Keep it that it's us and them. That man.
Like we're here together. Yeah, yeah.
And then there's them. Them over there. Elsewhere.
Exactly right. I'm like, you know what?
I'm using that from here on out because I said, I'm
gonna go ahead and say that's us and them with pops up.
Hey, hey. That's us. There's, there's.
Like the greater we, me and myself and I.
Yeah. You know. Right.
And I was laughing when he was telling stories like, man,
these motherfuckers be walking around, they come out, got the ashes and teddies.
I'm like, bro.
Don't slip up, man.
So this is like, this is like the jail scene these days, Yeah.
Like, where is this guy?
I don't even know what prison he's.
Is he in a federal penitentiary?
He's a he's in fed shit.
He's he's. He's got like.
Oh yeah. Well yeah, that's.
He's been in there since 2016. That's crazy.
He don't get out till I think 33 something like that.
So he's been in there for some time now.
Damn. Yeah.
But you know, what I've been thinking about
for a long time is putting Mason and friend shows on cassettes.
You were. You were. Saying,
is that dude doing up in.
Is he up in jail?
Yeah. Yeah, he's he's independent. He's in there.
And do they have cassettes?
I don't know, be honest with you.
Like, what's this media of choice.
Does he have a an iPhone or an iPad?
I think it's how he called us was on like iPad or something like that maybe,
I can't remember.
How did you know in Oz you couldn't have a cell phone?
They got it set up to where like,
I, I think it's like, you know, how they got the computer room in Oz?
I think it's something like that, that where you can FaceTime people
when you got them on your list to call, you can actually FaceTime them.
I think what it's like to be like scheduled and certain times and all.
That, it's going to be monitored too. I. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Everything like, you know, go down to the corner store and rob it tonight.
Yeah. Everything's fucking monitored, you know what I mean?
So think about if we sent some shit over there.
Somebody has to listen to it. Yeah. First.
We're not doing it.
Fucking set it to the bait. Yeah. I mean.
I've been doing it with the AI, man.
I'm gonna have an AI is gonna know the show better than anybody.
Knows that you put out. Man, those fuckers was looking good.
You know, I'm saying, like I did.
We had the most views ever in the most likes ever
inside of 24 hours and pretty much ever were. So.
But doing it for a few weeks, I would keep doing it.
I'm trying to backlog stuff. Yeah.
But it gets a little frustrating because I'd be like, do this and it doesn't do it.
And I'm like, okay, we'll do this. And then it doesn't do it.
And I try to say it a different way, and then I'm like, the fuck is wrong with you?
And it's like, you're right, I'm fucking up.
And I'm like, what?
Stop paying you $20 a month so that you don't.
Fuck up. Fuck up. But it's a.
He just compressed this motherfucking photo that you just made for me.
I downloaded it, it's too big to put on the thing.
I want to put it on.
So can you make it 1.5MB or less?
Because I can do that.
I could go into something and make that happen.
Yeah, but like, I'm paying chat.
Do that shit, dog.
Hook it up. Quit. Fuck it up.
Hey, I was taking over the world. Maybe. Maybe our algorithm.
I'm trying to. You.
Maybe enough of us being on there.
Maybe chase shit up.
Can you imagine how we can fuck AI up with just our random dumb
shit that we fucking do?
Well, I know AI doesn't fully understand because the SRT thing that is created
by Premiere Pro. Yeah, I use the video.
I make the video with the audio that we record that gets released by itself.
So that audio is what is used to make the transcript.
The transcript is what the AI uses to make all of the stuff and ideas.
And because I'm just like, optimize this episode
for, you know, search engine optimization.
And I can't wait to see this one.
BBLs and titties in prison.
Yeah.
They got the cities up in prison now motherfuckers fight.
It's okay if I tell you that.
It is.
Yes it is.
Yes, because that's still a dick attached to all of that.
But hold on.
Wait a minute.
I don't know if you ever.
Have you ever seen the show?
Atlanta.
Childish Gambino. I watched it, bro.
There's an episode where this motherfucker gets arrested, right?
They got all the dudes sitting in this section.
They're just chilling, waiting to get processed.
Whatever.
This other dude is in there, and he's talking
to a trans chick, right?
He's a baby girl. Yo, so good to see you.
And she is so long, Charles Gambino.
He's in between them. He just sitting there, you know what I mean?
And the whole interaction is going on.
And do the front. He goes, yo man,
that's gay shit.
He's like, what are you talking about? Anal gay shit.
That's my girl. I'm talking to you.
He goes, no, motherfucker, that motherfucker was a dude.
That ain't no motherfucking chick.
And he was like, man, whatever.
Just ain't no chick. You know? This ain't no dude.
And the motherfucker, dude looks at her, the chick looks at him and he goes, no,
no, no, I ain't no, I, I ain't saying I'm not that that don't make me gay.
This dude turns around, he goes,
motherfucker.
Yeah, that kind of makes you care.
He goes, he goes, man, y'all motherfuckers up here and Jacobs. No, no.
When you in jail, that's jail. Shit.
But you was doing that shit outside of jail, Jason.
He goes, you were outside of jail fucking with this fucking.
That makes you gay, dawg.
You know what I'm like, wait a minute.
Hold on.
So because you're in jail.
Definitely in the alphabet somewhere.
You got to be. That's got to be the plus.
That's gotta be with the plus sign stands. For whatever it is.
You can make it up as you go. Because
you said what he said that she's like, nah, man.
Because they fucking up here because it's jail.
That's what you do it.
You know the fuck you don't. Exactly.
But you said, man, but you doing this shit on the outside, man, that makes you gay.
Sorry.
What in the fuck?
Yo, you gotta check that out.
Later was a good show.
It because it doesn't.
It looked like it was good.
It doesn't fucking follow.
Really? Any fucking.
You could cut on any episode and it'll still fuck you.
Ain't gotta watch previous episode. Star Trek The Next Generation.
You can watch it in order, but you don't have to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?
Because the way it starts, the first couple of seasons,
the first couple episodes start off, you know.
Excuse me.
Hit him going to his cousin him like, y'all want to be your manager.
You know, on this rap shit that you started?
No, let me be your manager type shit and just go from there.
But then the stories just pop off and the shit, and it's funny as fuck I do.
I do dig.
The show, so it's a funnier show than it is a comedy.
Or is it like a funny dramedy.
That it's like, yeah, it's like a drama because there's some drama in there too,
you know what I mean?
They throw it in there and but it all works.
It all meshes together, you know, pretty good.
They got a, they got an episode where they make fun of fucking Tyler Perry.
The shit man.
It's hilarious man.
Like, I fell the fuck out because I knew who they're making fun of.
You know what I mean?
Like.
Yeah, when they hit the references right in any of this stuff, it's.
Yeah.
Even though it's a parody, I know who they're fucking going after.
What? South Park hits it out of the park. It's it's.
Yeah. Gone.
You know. What I mean?
They just crushed that. Yeah.
So I was fucking lunching off of that shit.
Then you got fucking all these memes.
Young AI.
When these motherfuckers do these videos.
AI some of them are actually good, some of them suck.
Some of them are so bad I fucking, I hate, I hate videos more and more
like it's all so fake.
It's all so I'm so tired of like,
the standard bullshit that scrolls by if I start scrolling.
Yeah. Like I'm just so annoying.
They had the one with Mitch McConnell
on the Griswold station wagon tied to the top.
Like the aren't nice in the fucking wheelchair.
I saw one, he was in a wheelchair surfing.
Oh, shit. Surfboard. Yeah, I.
With the Griswold his ass show and had the Griswold
driving the fucking station wagon would have died.
Of the same thing Dianne Feinstein did. He?
They were like, do you vote yes or no?
And he said they had no.
Put his arm up. Like you're voting yes.
Yeah. Yes.
Term limits, age limits, all that shit.
He's old motherfuckers, man.
They don't need to be up in there like that.
You're on death's door.
Death is sitting there just chilling, watching.
You're like, they really gone, will you out there like that stuff for real?
Like motherfucker, we got.
You got five minutes.
You. They broke the Terry Chavo out there and being like, raise your hands.
Yeah. You like come on man.
Like, what the fuck? What are we doing here?
We're just going down the tubes, sir.
Are we been in that too? Well.
We're we're further in the tube than Andy Dufresne
was when he was trying to get out. Yes. Yeah.
I mean.
We're 600 yards from the end.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
First we're right there in that thicket and of shit.
Andy Dufresne only went 600 yards. Yeah.
Yeah, six football fields.
He crawled through pissing.
Match of match.
I'm like, man, you know you got.
But that is what we're living through right now.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely. Living through the shitty pipe dreams.
Yeah, yeah, But that's what Red says to him before he leaves.
Yeah, he's talking about, like, getting away.
And he goes, that's a shitty pipe dream. Yep.
It went all through that.
He went there.
By the shitty damn pipe that night.
Yep. And crawled his way to free.
Lucky he didn't come out with pink eye or nothing.
You know what? He didn't. Know that bullshit.
No, he colon no pink guy. That's how you know it ain't. The truth.
No fucking salmonella.
He'd be driving across that convertible down with his eyes all fucked up.
But hold on, the motherfucker had time to take a shower.
Like, bathe in the storm outside.
In the in the in the creek or whatever the.
The runoff was. Going, was going into.
So you washed off his shit water
with President Soap, which at that time
was enough of a fucking lie that was eating your skin up anyway.
Well, I mean, if you really
scrub down good, you could probably wash most of that funk off in that river.
Plus the rivers flowing one way.
You walk upstream from where the ship coming out you go.
All right, well, let me take a couple dozen. Years, okay?
I'll fuck with that because the rain was happening, but he's got fresh water.
Rain.
You know that fresh water coming out wasn't acid rain yet at then,
you know what I mean? No, he was doing all right.
I mean, he didn't get pinkeye, so we know he was.
He was doing all right with that soap.
I mean, he had his mouth wide open getting all that good water in from the rain.
Just fresh. The freshness.
Yeah, that must have felt like.
It had to be just fucking like.
Well, like, What was that?
Remember the commercial for that soap they used to power?
What was that?
Zest. Yeah.
He felt.
That fresh zest. That's what it was.
That's exactly what it was.
He was just fully clean.
And then walked to the bank.
Slicked back hair and all that shit started off smooth.
Just as smooth as he want to be.
And nobody looking for me. They don't need to know.
Yeah. Can you add this to the outgoing mail?
Yeah. Thanks so much.
Is there any other thing we can do for you, sir?
Yes, yes, well there is.
Send that out. Yeah.
Put that. In your mail.
I'll be in.
Say what? Nails.
I need that to get to somewhere soon.
Fucking awesome.
Oh, man.
Like I started watching. I'm a I got.
What now?
They, they been putting old school shows back on TV,
and I'm like, I'm all about that.
At this point in my life.
They need writing and they don't have. It now. They don't.
And all those shows had writing.
This morning.
I click on fucking Disney Channel, right.
Because Disney Hulu are together.
New York Undercover. I said, shut up. Okay.
Boom. That's.
And here's thing New York only cover was good.
A protected kill Torres after Torres gets killed.
Yeah, you've mentioned this
so you can watch till then, but, like, are they playing it on TV?
Like they do like friends on TVs where it's like one episode,
the next episode, the next episode?
Because that's the kind of show you do want to watch an order.
Yeah, it's it's streaming like a.
Yeah, yeah. So, all four seasons.
Normally streaming,
you're not flipping channels, you're finding these on streaming service.
Yeah. Okay.
And fucking I cut that motherfucker on and just let it play.
Well, like, there's been a bunch of good movies and shit coming on Prime, too.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot. Of whole lot of shit been dropping.
But I'm like, I saw New York undercover this more.
I was like, oh, shit.
I was just talking about this show like New York Undercover
was one of those fucking cop shows that you could just fucking.
But there were some episodes in it that I do remember that were just stupid.
There were some things in the episodes that were done.
That's the problem with those shows in those days.
Yeah.
That they had writing, but they had to write so many episodes.
Yeah.
You know, because I looked at each season is like 26.
Yeah, episodes, except for the fourth season.
For season is when it's 13 episodes.
That's what Star Trek was 20, 26 episodes.
A lot of.
X files.
It's 20, 24, 26 episodes of season, right?
You know what I mean? But that's how they were.
But I remember.
You had to fill half the year with the TV show.
Exactly.
Yeah, because it.
Has serious it had its break for like a month or so, month or two or so.
Then it would come back with the next part of the season, whatever.
They always left you on some kind of cliffhanger.
Most of the time because like at some point
it would be like, now we're gonna have an NFL playoff game
in lieu of, yeah, this episode of the X-Files or whatever.
But the crazy part is, here's the thing that gets me, because a lot of
a lot of the streaming shit
now they're talking about how they're losing viewership
because it's taking so long to put a show out, like, you release
eight episodes, then you're gone for two, three years, and you think.
You're only doing your episodes. Exactly.
What are you doing exactly? Come on, get it.
But when you had two shows they were on, you were making a Serie
A TV show, just like you would do the fucking Netflix shit.
Yeah, but they were formulaic on sets in ways that they're not.
A lot of the times.
Yeah. Yeah, that does. Make sense.
Like they're doing like period.
They're doing pieces on in places and not just like how cheers.
You could knock out ten episodes in a three week span.
Yeah. And and record for three months.
Even still, you had some shows that like,
like you could do shit.
What?
But all these shows, you know what I'm saying is how they how
they produce them now it's like, okay, you had 26 episodes of season, right?
They took that break in the season, you know, for whatever,
whatever the reason was.
But it wasn't two, three years, it was at max, maybe 2 or 3 months, you know.
Yeah, basically the summertime and then went fucking.
But these were like on set shows like Family Matters,
Fucking Saved by the Bell, fucking whatever.
Yeah.
It was always like the same set 90% of the time.
Every now and again
they'd go to like the ski resort or whatever,
and it would be like them and two other people standing
on, like the side of a mountain with fake snow blowing. Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, so never was it ever any of this.
Like, Fresh Prince had more
set pieces than most shows and they barely had any at all to.
Yeah, you know, when they were done the same way.
So like, that's that really cheap production value.
So you could do it in like a studio and you can bang out of being.
Off live. Now they, they go play. Yes.
Like the wire for Baltimore right there in Baltimore shooting.
They're not always in the same place. They gotta set it up here.
They got to set it up there. Yeah.
You gotta go all over the place.
Then that's like, damn, these motherfuckers.
And I was watching
and they're like, oh yeah, people can't figure out
or the exact can't figure out how they're losing viewership like motherfucking.
It's too many choices.
There's one the choices, but two.
Who the fuck gonna wait three years to watch a show?
Forgot about.
Oh, oh, damn, that show came back around like.
All right. Cool.
You know what I mean? A yearly episode
like dump is an expectation out of a serious show to watch.
Yeah. You want it to always, every.
Every year at the same time.
Yeah. Like football comes back at the same time.
You you want whatever to come back at the same time.
Like fucking.
So American Horror Story I haven't watched American Horror Story
in a while and I was telling wifey about it.
I'm like, yo, this show used to be great.
The first couple of seasons. Phenomenal.
You know what I mean? Especially the very first one.
And I was like, they're coming out with a season 13
grant.
I haven't watched them in a while.
So I was like, let me go back because it's on like FX or some shit.
You can go back and take a look at the episodes.
Something like, I wonder where I stopped that.
So I'm going through just clicking the season.
I'm like, all right, I remember this episode.
I remember this, you know, trying to see where I left off.
And I'm like, I left off somewhere like season maybe 11.
I think I've watched all of them.
But I didn't watch season 11 because Kim Kardashian was in it,
you know what I mean?
I'm like, I don't want to watch with this bitch in it.
Like, to me she's not an actress, but.
Support star. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Who became a public defender now know she's.
A mogul for.
All kinds of cup and panties or something.
Yeah. Skins, whatever. But anyway,
I'm like,
I didn't watch it, but now I'm like, now I think I have to watch it to watch this
season 13, because they're bringing back all the original characters
from the fucking first joined the murder House.
That's how they got you, Mike.
And now they're going to give me the watch. Some dumb shit.
They fucking you.
I know. They are.
You gonna watch me a dumb hoe for like 12 episodes.
Prior year?
Most likely will. Most likely going to be terrible.
It probably is, I guarantee me. Terrible.
Because they had.
She was in a show that I remember seeing trailers for it, but
I don't think it ever if if it did come out, it didn't last long.
It was like her and like three other bros
were going to be some lawyers or whatever, and that was going to be the show.
But I don't think, I think it, it premiered and then that was it.
Yeah.
Like they made a nice looking commercial and it never really came to fruition.
No. It had they had the show, they had recorded.
Three episodes or some.
Shit, but fucking it didn't pan out.
It's not a draw, man.
I mean, no need to keep Kanye shit.
She couldn't keep Kanye.
She could keep raging.
And accountants, other amounts of players.
Oh yeah, a lot of basketball players once again.
Yeah, yeah. She went through some.
Something weird about her very strange days, like Halle Berry.
And J-Lo.
Wow. Halle Berry. But Howard Berry got a dude.
Now he's the most attractive of of those that we mentioned by far, in my opinion.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Berry is fucking got J-Lo and fucking.
She got Kim by like.
Kim by fucking. Decade Bound.
Yeah yeah yeah.
But they all got something with them because fucking motherfuckers don't stay
J-Lo motherfuckers don't stay Halle Berry, Halliburton dude,
she now has asked her to marry her.
And she said, nah, I'm marrying you.
Who said that?
The dude that Halle Berry is with.
Right now, various man is asking her to marry.
She won't know.
She won't do it.
How? You take that.
Stay in a relationship or do you leave after that?
It's Ali Berry, so I'm assuming this.
Stick around. Yeah. He's like, fuck it.
I'm gonna treat it like I just keep asking.
He ain't even keep. Making a joke. At him.
She told him something.
I forgot how she broke it down, but he was like, all right, cool.
Fuck it.
I'm still fucking Halley Berry. So, you know.
That's good enough.
For me. Yeah, I'll take that. I ain't gotta marry her.
Yeah, I'd be like, Holly, you can ask me if you want to see how it goes.
Keep on. Give me. Maybe I'll say yes.
Maybe I'll say no. Yeah, it's up to you now. I've already asked you.
So you know I'm ready whenever you are.
Fuck is past.
Yeah, yeah. It's on you now. That's on. You, baby.
I've asked you, you said no. Cool.
So we still don't. Have when people. Yes.
Okay, cool.
Why aren't y'all married yet?
You could say to people she don't want to get married.
Don't get married. Well, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean.
She's still my girl.
I'm still. I'm gonna bust that off tonight.
I mean, like, shit. So I'm good.
That's who. I'm going home.
I ain't mad at it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think. Hailey, right.
Shit. Fucking.
Who was it?
It was somebody else out there that was like a train wreck
that people didn't want to be with us, not even train with us.
Tracee Ellis Ross..
Tracy. She's another one.
She's like, I know that name.
You don't know fucking Diana Ross daughter, Tracee Ellis.
Oh my God. Maybe.
I mean, I might recognize. You know her if you pull her up.
If you see her, you know exactly who she is.
But she's another one that's like, you know,
she don't want to date motherfuckers,
and she don't want to be tied down to a to to each their own.
I ain't knocking it.
If you been successful in your life.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing your thing.
She's.
She's got a weird face.
Tracee Ellis Ross.
It's her eyes that that gets you.
It's the nose, the mouth, the forehead.
She's a whole package, that's all.
Package is scary, bitch.
Right there, I take I take Grace Jones.
Scary over that all day.
No, no, that bitch is scary to me.
Like Grace Jones is scary to you.
I can fuck. With her.
She got that skeletal face like I was.
I wouldn't trust Tracee Ellis. Fit,
hips.
I wouldn't trust the fitness of her hips.
Oh, Tracee.
Ellis, shit's a snap. No.
Hold on. It depends on what.
You're looking at.
Tracee.
Ellis.
Hell, no. No.
Way too skinny.
Way to.
Tracy Ellis. No, she ain't, bro.
You Kenny Bones, man, I like a skinny bitch.
There's something weird with. Her looking. At all.
She looks weird, man.
Oh, it on.
We'll put.
You probably got breastbone exposed and all that shit.
Hold on. What are you looking at?
I've just seen it for years.
It's always been too skinny.
No, like.
Like, Like Nicole Kidman has gotten too skinny.
Tracee Ellis Ross be skinny is fun.
No, you're looking at wrong pictures, man.
She got thick.
I don't know, bro.
A whole lot of.
But she's got very distinctive.
Got some crazy face, bro.
It's like that crazy face. You know, some bros. Got crazy eyes.
She got the whole face.
I said, what's that brought up from sex and the city?
Are are Parker.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah.
She's got that like. Yes.
Been features there? Yes. Yes.
Like they could be sisters like with that weird facial structure.
But I definitely I definitely go Tracee Ellis Ross Grace Jones any day though.
Yeah. No way bro.
You said no way.
I'm taking Grace Jones all day. Oh.
Well, I've seen her.
What's that bitch?
Here's one. She looks a little thick.
There's a picture.
She looks a little thick because I can't see the bones in her shoulders. Like
she legs and got big titties.
And her fucking collarbones are not, like, sticking out.
But I definitely fuck with her.
I don't know if you ever paid attention to this fucking
bullshit ass rapper named Blue Face.
He had a baby mama name Christian Rock this bitch gotten
she didn't went through a bunch of changes.
She had a fucking face tatted on him.
I think on her neck or on her face somewhere.
She got her.
Blue faces, face tattoo on her son. Yes.
A lot of these bitches.
Is that an unacceptable red flag?
Unacceptable, man, that's a fucking giant.
That's not only the red flag.
That's a fucking goddamn warning.
Like, right warning.
Warning. Like.
Back away from. This bitch cage.
You have to drill out the lock to get into.
Yeah. And then.
Yeah. And, you know, like, why am I even bothering?
That bitch there.
Huge red flag.
It's not only in a cage, it's a red cage. It's.
It's every. Flags on.
It's the Titanic hitting the fucking iceberg.
And a bunch of fucking arrows pointing, saying, don't fuck with this.
Exactly, exactly. But fucking this motherfucker.
I had a baby with this bra. Whatever.
She went through a whole bunch of shit.
She got into the church or whatever, and then she got out of the church.
Well, she started boxing.
This bitch that came out, like, cut up.
I'm actually impressed that she.
She got her shit together where she beating the brakes off of bitches.
And I'm like, you know what?
She was getting beat by blue face.
So I. Mean, she got in the box.
Yeah. So she had her debut.
Well, she, she,
she had one fight before this other fight and she basically beat this girl
into submission that like, she just clocked out.
Like she had a face tattoo of a rapper on her neck or whatever you're saying.
She's definitely, definitely fucking somebody up.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's a waffle House waitress.
Like I'm betting on her.
She would be the Wolf House manager if she would
if she worked at waffle House.
Fucking that bitch is the manager. She.
She just started from the bottom, and she here, you know what I mean?
Like, she she would have been the one that went to the waffle House,
started on the motherfucking mop, then moved her way up to the flat top.
You know what, to the winter waitress.
Then on the flat top.
Then she running that motherfucker.
She got like four Waffle Houses on her,
you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, she's.
Oh, my God, you got to be kidding me.
Her whole right cheek. Yeah, it was em.
Oh, dude. And she had lasers.
That is such a red.
She had a laser removed.
That is such a red flag.
Emma Watson got that?
I would never be interested ever again. Del. Don.
I couldn't put up with that, even from Emma.
No, I. Like. It now.
If Janet had done.
Some show, something like that.
But like Daniel. Why you ruined yourself like that.
We're done.
You didn't ruin yourself, girl.
Meg Ryan with the plastic surgery, you know, ruined yourself.
It's over. Meg Ryan.
New Meg Ryan look like a madhouse.
Tony.
You said new man. New Meg Ryan is a problem.
All right, let me tell you, Perry, let me see what the.
Fuck you know, she had, like, probably 30 year run, but.
Because Meg Ryan she was in.
Didn't just hit a wall, she went over the wall and off the cliff.
Oh, God damn.
Yeah, she's a mess. Talent. Dan, she was a kid.
Look at that.
She was adorable.
She was adorable. And now she's a mess.
Hey, man, that plastic dude.
That shit, man, that plastic making man.
Mad discretion.
I guess it starts fucking deteriorating your fucking insides in some kind of way.
It has to do something like that.
I mean, I think Dolly Parton was the only one successful enough to keep,
you know, whatever she had.
Think she did.
I think she just tightened things up.
I don't think she did a whole lot of other than, like, getting fake titties.
Oh, no.
No, she she went on a show about a lot of.
Work, but she didn't have, like, plastic reconstruction.
Like, like a lot of these other chicks.
I think she just had, like, pullbacks and such.
I mean, I don't know how much
you can constantly keep pulling back at some point.
You guys just let that.
Go to keep sagging. You keep pulling it back.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like retouching the bed in, you know what I'm saying?
I'm like like tucking the bed back.
In, like, you know what, man?
We're made to age.
Were made to get old.
Like, man, just fucking ride that fucking wave,
man of fucking becoming elderly, you know what I'm saying?
Like, why do I want to tuck?
I don't want to be stuck on a joke or smile.
Fucking time.
And it doesn't work a lot of the times for a lot of folks.
Know, like, you must let that be like fucking.
You got Robert.
He's had another one.
Robert De Niro do pop out another little motherfucker.
Yo, another little bastard.
That's not going to see this motherfucker at kindergarten.
Graduation ain't gonna be at the graduation.
You know what I'm saying?
Let alone fucking graduated from fifth grade to fucking middle school.
He just not got the Tism.
You know what year that old.
That old.
That's just been set in the sack?
Just chilling. 40 songs are probably 80 something.
You got it at 79 year old, 80 year old sperm just fucking made its way.
That's a long swim.
That's a rickety old sperm that made that child.
That the path of this egg, you know, like.
It was like.
It's like
I'm on a few still left, you know, turn to dust.
Remember the scene and fucking look who's talking.
How I started off.
With all the sperm. And they're all talking.
Yeah, yeah.
They need to do that shit were like, oh, my sperm.
Like, oh, we're free.
Goddamn. He let us out the sack.
Who knew this motherfucker was still fucking dead?
I got a swim.
They're gonna be like the fuck.
They're gonna be like Eddie's bullets.
And Who framed Roger rabbit? Yeah, yeah.
Which way do we go? Which way?
Which way do we go? Home. Good day.
We gotta get to the egg.
The what?
The a the what?
Turn your head up. Well, fuck.
I said we gotta get to the egg.
That's where we're supposed to go.
They got the bat.
That was the instructions.
50, some 60 some years ago.
We got. Get to the egg. We gotta find them.
We gotta find the red vein.
And then we gotta go three paces to the left.
And then 20 Arts. That way.
Which way did he go? 20 arts.
What the fuck you mean, 20 arts?
Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Like they need to do a parody like that for this motherfucker.
Old people. People would call it ageism.
Now, they wouldn't let us make that movie. Fuck that. Fuck down.
Look who's talking again.
And then it would be just like grandparents at the old folks home, man.
What?
Just old fucking sperm everywhere trying to swim.
To get there.
The eggs, like, shut down.
It's like the egg is just does. Not open for business.
It's fucking.
It's a box that says powder eggs when it gets there.
You know what I mean?
Add water.
Like what we're supposed to do now. Oh, no.
Then they all dropped out. Yeah,
right.
You made it. Yeah.
The heart attacks all the way to the egg.
You know it goes. Having strokes. Yeah.
You got one.
They got all timers and don't remember shit.
Like all the springs be dying on the way. That's how it works.
You can have so many things going on with this shit. Right?
And this is what we the AI for.
Shit like this right here.
You know, saying. AI video made.
A video, made old sperm soup into a box of powdered eggs.
Yeah.
I can't imagine trying to prompt something out of that and how it works.
Yeah, like I said, I was like,
trying to get it to give me a grimace
picture.
I was like, give me a thumbnail about this episode
where we talked about if grimace is like a butt plug or something.
Yeah, because he does look like a plug.
What is he?
And it was like, you can't say that.
I can't do that. And I'm not.
I was like, are you talking about grimace or. But blood.
And it was like, no blah, blah blah, but I could do blah blah, blah, blah blah.
And it wrote something different and I was like, yeah, do that.
And it gave me that great grimace plug thing.
Yeah, thumbnail with the butt plugs and all that shit laying around.
And I was like, oh fuck you.
Like, perfect.
That's perfect. But I don't know how I got it to like do.
To do it. Yeah.
It's a trip.
You gotta see what it does and then fucking see how it works it
to figure out how to work and.
Try to, like, tell it to do something different.
And then you like, learn some new word, but it still doesn't remember that.
Right. It's it's a trip.
Yeah.
It's not there yet, but you know.
Exactly the same.
It's going to take over what, 30 years? It's going to kill. Us off.
We're going to be out here
fucking doing some Terminator, our robot surrogate, short circuit two, one or.
Two favorite memes or the what do you see yourself doing in five years?
Oh, the fucking
Terminator or Edge of Tomorrow
type with the fighting the robots and shit and you're
trying to kill these goddamn machines, the matrix, all that shit, man.
It's a lot of stuff happening.
That one
where it's like, we're here with Idiocracy, The Matrix, and fucking
Terminator, and it has us in the middle where they overlap.
Like you're here.
Yeah. Like. Yeah, yeah.
In diagram of where everybody is. Yeah.
We're right in the smack dab, middle of dumb shit,
futuristic shit and fucking robotics shit by the all pop off and one fucking.
Time dystopia stuff. We're in a.
Oh yeah, we're in a lot of those.
Dystopian.
1984 Fahrenheit 451 brave
New World fucking parable showers.
We're in all of those.
Like, it's like they were instruction guides instead of, warnings.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, oh, no, we could do that. Only better.
Yeah. Oh, we could do something like. That, right?
What the fuck, man?
We're going to be like, We don't have to burn the newspaper.
What is it? We just did it.
Erase it all.
Yeah, yeah. Fucking. What is it?
Man. Mad Max
been there trying to get the water consumption scenes
with hooks in their asses playing guitars and fire coming out of the back.
Shit.
Hey, where'd that far from at? You.
You know. We're really not.
We're really not that far from all of that.
Yeah, it's kind of terrifying.
Oh, bro.
Just how close we are.
Remember I told you about that smell on 66?
Yeah, I smelled it.
Told you fucking me and the wife.
You were going out to dinner last night,
and we're going down, and she goes, what the fuck?
I said, that's the smell I'm trying to tell you.
You only smell it till we get to this exit.
Once you get to the exit, wants to go no more.
It's only right here in this little strip of.
Very short section. Yeah.
And she's like, where the fuck is coming from?
Don't know it.
They keep they keep saying it's from the data centers.
But data centers are like that way, way out that way type way.
You know what I mean.
They say it's,
you know, this, that she's like, well, could it be coming from downstream like.
Well, yeah, but if it's downstream,
why it's still going downstream with everything else.
You would think you smell it further, but you only smell it there
on that strip of 66 right there. Bro told you
she was like, what the fuck?
I said, I have no clue.
There's no fucking water plant on either side of the street here.
I know this because I've been all back in that motherfucker as much driving
as I've done. I've never seen a water plant.
That smell you get from these fucking sewage plants like it was out here
strong the other day when I was going down the road.
Friday morning I was like, fuck the plants about to burn all that shit.
Today it's going to be funky at fuck here, you know what I mean?
I know that smell because fucking went to school on that bitch.
I know what the fuck they fit in the fucking do.
Yeah. Stop
smoking right now, Dustin.
But I told her yesterday we drive bys and see.
And then when we came back, same thing.
I was like, that smell doesn't go away.
Like, it stays like it doesn't matter what time of day you come out here,
it's there.
You know what I mean?
Like, fuck your property value gotta suck.
Oh, yeah. No, they're killing people's property value around here.
Just like anywhere. It's getting one nearby.
It's getting fucked up.
Just like when they put that dump or.
Or when they put the houses by the dump.
I'm like, how? Fuck you.
How these big ass nice houses.
Eventually they're gonna pay.
They're gonna, you know, fill in that landfill and put more houses on top.
Of it at some point. Yeah.
But I mean, at that time when they built all them houses on my man,
these are some nice ass houses. But I don't want to smell that dump.
You know, you're outside trying to cook out whatever,
and then fucking the heat over there to heat it up the trash and shit.
That smell that went hit your.
You can't even close your windows and cut your AC on the fucking filter
that smell out. Like just gonna be coming through.
Smelling that funk all the time.
Maxwell living Hopewell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because that's what the fucking smells like.
And I'm like.
At least that's baked into your property value.
At that point, you moved to Hopewell.
You're like, oh, well, at least, you know.
I guess if. You want knows.
If that,
if that's a silver lining that you can it finding that, you know what I mean.
But like I was looking at that shit when they built them houses.
I'm like, who the hell with those houses?
The armpit of Virginia.
And then you see motherfuckers buying the houses.
I'm like, y'all gotta be some stupid motherfuckers to like.
All right, you know what? It's not that bad.
I can deal with that smell of the landfills. It's not gonna be that bad.
People want all the time.
They call it the American dream.
It's a nice thing
to have you take them where you can find them, take them where you can afford them.
You deal with the smells you got to deal with,
I guess, like, but those are the last places.
Like, I'm. I'll be picky.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
You have to look and be like, nope,
I don't even need to get out of the car, man. We're good.
Like acceptable.
I went to this one house the other day.
They were re, I guess, refurbishing this motherfucking house.
They they updated the windows.
You could see the windows were done. They were painting the house.
They weren't even all the way down painting the house, whatever.
Like they were modern.
Our modern, modernizing the house, you know what I mean?
And I'm like, it's back in this cut.
It's deep down in this office side road.
I'm like, man.
Nah, I couldn't fuck with this house
because as I'm walking through the front yard, it is just a swamp.
I'm like, oh. Yeah.
That's right.
Here's a problem.
Like, if it rains all the water, this house is down at the bottom,
so all the water is collecting in your yard.
You get a couple days of just straight and heavy rains.
Yeah, bro, you're living with mosquitoes your whole year.
You know what I mean? Like, this ain't even a yard.
This is just muck.
And that smell that comes from it after it's been set in like, oh, no.
It's like that smelling 66. Yeah, yeah.
But it's even more, you know what stagnant water is?
It's just as putrid that standing water to just sets and fucking the heat
and all that shit, man.
When it gets in with the dirt and the mud and.
All the gases, then them coming from all of that shit, man.
Like. Yeah, that's that's no place to live.
Yeah.
I was looking at the yard as I'm walking through and I'm like,
oh man, whoever buys this shit, they need to come out here after it rains.
Like that was one of the big things.
They just need to not buy it like you're doing.
Don't don't buy that shit.
Come look at it there.
Just do a man.
There's a cat that, works with the company.
We were when I first started working.
We were up in,
high now, up on the mountains.
Right, bro?
I'm like, yo, we got to come out here and do this shit.
I said, how the fuck are these trucks
going to get up these motherfuckers when you got a full truck driving straight up?
Some of the driveways are like that.
We got either back down or back up.
These motherfuckers.
Man, I lived out there and I had a decent access point, like a lot of them don't.
A real rough.
I was at this one house. When we're back down, we.
I'm in the truck. Laid back like this, like,
yo, we got to get out this bitch now.
Like, man.
And the door trying to slam on you the holes. Right.
And you gotta hold on.
Because you got to
basically lower yourself down out the truck,
and then you got to pull yourself back up in this bitch.
I'm like, what the fuck? So
we just have to be driving by.
And the guy that was training me at the time,
he stops, he's like, oh shit, that's my homie.
And I'm like,
He works with us.
I'm like, I ain't never seen.
But in school, we stopped talking to the guy, you know?
Hey, how you doing?
Nice to meet you, blah blah. He's like, yeah man.
And my mans was like, yo, how the fuck did you end up moving out here?
He was like, well, I was one of them dumb motherfuckers.
I'm like, what do you mean dumb?
He goes, me and my wife were looking for a house and
we found this house for cheap, and we're like, fucking, we're going to buy it.
I said, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on.
Where are we all from?
He was a oh, man, we were from like, he's like Ohio or something like that.
And I was like, so you didn't come out here and put eyes on the house?
He said, nope.
I said, bro, that's why.
Why would you?
I never met somebody that actually done that, you know what I mean?
So I. Asked, really not why.
I'm curious now. Like, why would you do that?
He was like, man, we could not we couldn't pass the bad deal.
I said, but yeah, when you see something that is like, oh, that's the deal,
call somebody and be like, look, I'm gonna take a day or two off.
You gotta go.
Go out there.
Let me just see this with us. Exactly.
Because realtors, they take pictures of shit to appease your your fucking senses.
Oh, like there was a car online that I talked to.
I sent an email and they sent this.
They basically sent back a buyer contract.
It was a kind of car I'd like to have.
Yeah, but like, I asked for a bunch of, like, records,
like build specs and like, pictures and, you know.
Did somebody who did this
engine swap with this engine into that car and all that shit?
And they were like, do you want to buy it?
Here's the buyers thing, and we can ship it to you.
And I'm like.
Nah. You're not even.
You haven't even.
Answer my questions to what I'm asking.
If you gave me all the stuff I'm looking for, then maybe I'd be willing to do that.
Yeah, but, like, no way.
Yeah, and that's what I told you. I said, bro.
I was a $10,000 car.
I told this guy.
$180,000 house or something.
It was more than that.
I said, bro, you're the only person I've ever met in real life
that I've talked to that bought a house sight unseen.
That's madness.
And he goes, man, I'll never do that dumb shit ever again.
He goes, right now I'm stuck with this property because we can't move.
Nobody wants to live up here, even if we put it up for sale.
And then we wouldn't get the money that we need to go let some place else.
I'm like, yeah, you got a point there, bro.
You are pretty much stuff with this bullshit on this fucking mountain here,
you know what I mean? I'm like.
Yeah, it's a rough one, bro. That's a rough.
Yeah, I told him, I said, man,
when I used to do satellite work and they had me go out here,
they were like, if you ever get a house out in Hina,
you might as well call it a rat,
because you're not going to be able to do any of that.
There's no line of sight, there's no clear this.
You're not going to be able to install satellites out there.
That's why we don't go out there.
I'm like, where if we don't go out there, why don't mom I go,
why don't we got orders to go out there?
He goes because people need to hear it like.
Well, no, because they send. They send. Yeah.
They say, hey, do you want this?
And they're. Like, yeah, we can't even put this in here.
But then why do I have this? I don't know.
Why don't you send me a letter telling me to sign?
This is what the fuck they do though.
But I gotta do this, man.
So you can not. Get paid. Exactly.
Hey, that was.
That was one of the jobs I hated the most because it was commissioned.
Work didn't get paid in less the job when it didn't get paid for the driving.
And they had
my area was West Virginia and Pennsylvania leaving fucking Front Royal.
So I didn't get paid to drive to Pennsylvania.
I didn't get paid to West Virginia.
I had to get the jobs done. But you had to.
Yeah. Oh, man. Fuck this.
No. Yeah. No. That's terrible.
There's so many jobs like that too.
I was so happy to quit that motherfucker, man.
When I finally quit, that motherfucker said, man, my shit on your desk.
I'll be back tomorrow and get my check.
And turning the last tool so I get the money for that shit.
You sure?
Absolutely. Fucking bitch.
I called you at 10:00 at night. Told you I'm quitting.
I'm positive I will not be there in the morning.
Because. What are these places that gives you a van, a ladder?
Get at it.
Yep. Had the van, the letter.
But did you had to borrow your own tools?
You had to buy all your own tools to fucking do the.
Work that I kind of understand. That's how it is an automotive world.
Yeah. They do it in like a construction, right?
You know what I mean?
You get they have basic shit on site, but when you're out there on your own,
you got to have your own shit.
Yeah, that's like independent contractor shit, though.
Yeah.
You don't pull up on somebody's house and they need a satellite.
Just put on their roof and the roofs 87ft up.
They go 87ft up and attach a fucking thing to it.
Yep, yep.
No. Fuck that.
Nah, I did it.
But now I'll never do it again. Yeah. No way.
You better than I am. Knowing that.
No one. That fucking.
I wasn't going to get paid for shit, man, that shit piss me off.
But then they always had different ways of work.
This is how you get to this. This is where you get your money at.
You tell them, you know, if you put it in the yard, you can only trench royal out.
Allowed the trench up to like ten feet.
Anything after ten feet you got to charge them.
I'm like okay, if we did it like this, you charge them for this.
If you do it like it's you charging for that, I'm like, so.
So you dig a trench to put the wire in and you charge a bunch of money
for doing that? No, you got to tell the customer upfront.
Hey, I can only trenches wire ten feet.
So if you want it in the ground and rest of the way,
you don't even perform the work until the customer says, yeah, go ahead and do it
so you can leave that wire sitting out.
If they say no fucking, I'll do it myself.
All right.
It's cool you don't get the money, but if you go ahead and do it, then
then you're there like, you know, we got to charge you actually.
What's this extra charge for?
Because I had to do that. No, I didn't tell you to.
Do that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's a whole bunch of shit.
So that's.
I'm like, I don't have time to upsell a motherfucker.
I got all these jobs I gotta do today in order just to get paid something.
Like the day I quit, I made $20 a day.
That's all I made.
And I was in Pennsylvania, though.
I mean, I talk to some people about that once, but I didn't.
I didn't jump in on it, bro.
It's only 600 a week for you to have a vehicle.
We'll give you.
Just start your 600. Fucking sucks.
Just like your fuck.
Wait a minute. You're gonna charge me money for the van?
You're gonna put me in.
It's gonna be a piece of shit van that if I gotta fix it, I gotta fix it.
Yeah, that that I didn't have to worry about.
Like the gas, I think.
I think they paid for the gas. Yeah, they paid for the gas.
They have to.
Nothing ever came out my pocket for that fucking big.
Like making that. There'd be no way.
The only thing that fucking would bother you, man, is like.
Like the GPS that was on, you know, because they're like, oh, we gotta
you gotta maintain speed, you know?
You can't be speeding, bitch.
It's fucking 9:00 at night.
I'm driving from Pennsylvania.
Tired. It's fucking.
You're telling me not to fly on 81 to get back?
You fuck.
You fire. Me, you're gonna ping the.
This fans gonna get pinged like a motherfucker.
I'm trying to get the fuck on
because I gotta turn around and come back in this bitch
to drive back out here tomorrow morning that you ain't paying me for, man.
Fuck you. Could you put the shit out of this?
You put in your van.
How could you put a cot in the van? No.
No, because, see, the way the van was set up, you had.
It was like the seats were straight up the back had the cage
with the little door, you know what I mean?
Right there.
And that was the space back there was all full of tools and it was hard.
Parts and shit. And the sap, man.
Yeah, it was full of shit that fucking you really didn't need to have,
you know what I'm saying? But it was on there.
I ain't no what to do with half that fucking shit.
Yeah, I mean, you got satellite dishes in.
There with terrible job.
Like, because you put the satellite dish together before you got to the site.
So you have all your satellite dishes put together in the back of the van.
You know what I mean?
Instead of having all the pieces and then putting this together
while you're at a customer's house,
you've already put the shit together in the morning before you left.
So that way all you got to do is boom, hook it up and go,
yeah, throw that motherfucker on your shoulder,
climb up the ladder, attach it, and be done with it.
Once you find your line of sight and go on to the next job
instead of out there trying to put the shit together,
which still suck because you're still wasting time
putting this motherfucker together that you're not getting. Paid for.
Yeah, no, it sounds horrible. Yeah. There's no good route.
Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't at all.
That's why I'm like, man, when I see these cats out here
with this satellite shit, like, hey, you know, I took my hat off to you
motherfuckers because I know what dumb shit y'all are doing.
Like fuck that.
No. Ain't no way in hell I do that should ever again.
Well, with that said.
Oh, yeah. We got to bring this one to a close.
I just like to thank you so much for listening.
Yes, sir.
Encourage you to listen to old episodes.
Unless Lisa.
Actually gets me every time my shit subscribes, ladies and gentlemen.
That's right. Keep grinding all the things you're trying to get done.
Because that's how it's gonna get done. We believe in you.
That's right. Don't forget, we love you very, very much. Love you all.
And we wish you nothing but the best. All day, every day.
Peace be with you. Don't.