The Permission Slip - S1-E6 O'Malley === Matt Kosterman: Hi, my name is Matt Kosterman. I'm a 56-year-old white guy living in Chicago, Illinois. For the first 50 plus years of my life, I didn't think I was allowed to be here, not just here in Chicago, but here on earth in a body. I suffered from depression for most of my life. I smoked my first joint at age 11 and had my first drink of southern comfort straight from the bottle at age 13. While the cannabis never really took hold as an addiction, I drank alcohol for the next 20 years, many times to excess. In 1998, I began psychotherapy, and in the year 2000 I started on antidepressants. I spent 12 years on them in 15 years in traditional talk therapy. Meanwhile, I built a successful business, became a father to two amazing girls, and rehabbed an old house in a nice suburb. I did all the things. In 2010, I went through divorce, foreclosure, and bankruptcy. Fun times after much flailing about, I got my head on straight in 2015, only to begin experiencing severe chronic pelvic pain along with fibromyalgia. I spent nearly three years in the western medical system trying desperately to heal in 2018. Out of money and out of patience. My healing journey really kicked into gear after my first magic mushroom trip. The years since have been an amazing and challenging ride. I've traversed the physical and not so physical worlds and been fortunate to work with many, many talented healers. As a result of all my efforts, I now find myself in a place of receiving contentment and prosperity, the likes of which had alluded me for most of my life. There's a man named Darrell Anka, who channels a being called Bahar. Bahar describes the process of engaging with a healer that, of giving yourself what is essentially a permission slip to move towards wholeness healing and right relationship. This podcast is an effort to share some of what I've learned and introduce you to some of the people in ways that literally gave me what feels like my permission slip for existence. It's also an effort to continue to spread the word. That the traditional Western medical system, while effective for a great many things, is not necessarily the be all, end all solution to every health problem, especially when the problem may be more spiritual than it is physical, as it was in my case. Thanks for joining me. I hope you enjoy it. Please like, subscribe and do all the social media things that help spread the word, share these links with people directly in your community. It is my sincere hope that you and others will benefit from my experiences. So here we are. Hello. Hello. Uh, I am here in potentially the first video appearance of the podcast and the sixth episode. I feel so special. Yeah. I am here with Laura O'Malley. Hello, Laura. Hello. And whoever else may, may decide to pop in. We don't know. Friends, friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends from all over. Um, so I have known Laura for, gosh, going on three years now. Yeah, right. 2022, I think. Yep. Laura O'Malley: Yep. At lock, at least that open house. Was it 2022? Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Okay. Um, Laura O'Malley: yes, Matt Kosterman: yes. We have help from out there. Uh, so I'll let you tell about yourself, what you do, who you are. Okay. I, I call, I call you a conscious channel, which in the, in the vein of Paul Sig, that's how he describes himself. Laura O'Malley: So we're all channels. Yeah. I just allowed myself to awaken it, I guess. Um. How far back do you want me to go? Well, yeah, just Matt Kosterman: give, just give a little bit about your origin story. I mean, I think the people that are likely to listen to this are, have experienced some kind of trauma in their life. Okay. 'cause pretty much everybody has, everybody has. Yeah. I didn't used to realize Laura O'Malley: that. I know. We thought we were special, didn't we? Poor me. I know. Uh, okay. Let's see. So, um, it was 2014 when this all started happening, 2014 into 2015. Um, I really think that probably my mom being diagnosed with lung cancer set it off. Um, but I became very, very depressed. But it wasn't because of my mom's lung cancer that I was depressed. I was just very, very depressed and I didn't understand why my life was perfect. My kids were healthy. I lived in a good neighborhood. My house is great. My husband does well. Um. Everything was perfect except I didn't feel perfect and I didn't understand what was wrong with me. And so that actually made me feel depressed because I didn't understand Matt Kosterman: why, why don't I feel, Laura O'Malley: why don't I feel good? I have everything right. And so I was, uh, I was teaching at the time, I was substitute teaching at the time and I had been doing so for eight years and I loved it. It was one of my favorite things to do. And I suddenly just felt like not only was, was that not fulfilling me, but also I was starting to get this weird, dizzy feeling that was con all consuming. And I, um, had gone to the doctor and gone through lots of doctors. I went to the Dizzy Clinic in Chicago and you know, was in line to go to the Mayo Clinic and, um. Nobody could find anything wrong with me Matt Kosterman: and not, not an, not an uncommon story. Right. Laura O'Malley: And so that was con contributing to the depression also, because I didn't like the way I felt. I didn't, there was like a visual thing going on and a, you know, just unsteadiness. So, um, I remember, I think I, I don't exactly recall how I. No, I didn't start meditating before, did I? No, they're, they're actually giving me the story because I'm forgetting it. We were going to Mexico and my husband said, let's go to the library and get books. That's right. And I was like, what are you talking? He had never, in the 20 plus years that we lived in the area, he had never gone to the library. He bought all his books in the airport. 'cause he traveled for a living. And so I was like, well, I don't, I have my book. You go to the library and you get your book. And he's like, just come with me. I don't have a library card. I'm like, you know, all you need to do is give them your license in here. And, um, fast forward, he refused to go to the library without me, to the point where he was like, can you just effing go with me? And I was like, what is, I'm like, fine. So I went and found myself sitting on the floor upstairs, um, in the nonfiction area, which I had never been to before. I always checked out fiction books when I was there. Found myself on the floor in front of about three to four feet of books on psychics. And I don't really remember how I got there. I don't know how I knew that it was there. Um, but I found myself there and I pulled a couple of books out, um, James Van Prague and, um, brought them home and read the first one within the first day. Couldn't put it down. Matt Kosterman: Mm. Laura O'Malley: Started reading the second one. And the thing that he suggested that you do to feel better was meditate. And I tried meditation several times in my life and I couldn't turn off the, I mean, it wasn't mine chatter, it was screaming in my head. And, um, he gave some suggestions and I don't know if it had anything to do with what the suggestions were or if I was just so surrendered. Yeah. Because I was so sad and I started meditating and I remember s. Saying prayers like, maybe I could just get cancer. And then again, again, again, because I had thyroid cancer, um, Matt Kosterman: like, you didn't, you didn't wanna be here anymore. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: I didn't wanna be here. No. And so I was like, I would never have taken my own life. I've seen what it's done to families, and I would've, I just would've never done that anyway, that I wasn't, you know? But, um, I was literally thinking, I, I could just get cancer and I could just get out of here. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And during that surrender, they worked their way in and, and started doing their magic on me. And so initially it was just meditating for a couple hours a day, which was basically me experiencing something different than I had been experiencing, because during my life I didn't feel good. And I had the plastered on smile, and I was pretending to be happy, and I was horribly, horribly depressed. But in. The meditation, I felt neutral. I didn't necessarily feel good, I just felt neutral. And so that was something because it was better. And so I was doing it more and more, and it was, you know, I, I started out for 30 minutes and then it was an hour, then it was an hour and a half, then it was two hours. And at some point, I'm sure it was like three hours plus. And my husband would come and look in on me, and I would just wave him away because he was worried about me, which I can understand why Matt Kosterman: you could, you could have been like, Hey, you're the one that told me to go to the library. Right? Laura O'Malley: So anyway, um, the meditation helped profoundly and got me to a place where I was feeling better, not good, but better. And then, um, my husband asked me again, it's like they were using him, asked me again to, uh, go to the mall. It was around Christmas to go to the mall and pick something up. I don't know. And I don't do malls, I don't shop. I hate it. It gives me great anxiety. And so again, he's like, we can go to dinner after. So I went to the mall with him and, um, I did not wanna walk the mall and he had to go wherever he had to go. And so there was a bookstore, I think it was at Barnes and Nobles and I walked into the bookstore and just sat down in a chair and I was gonna wait for him there. And once again, I was led to a shelf and I don't know how I knew to go right to the shelf, but I was led to a shelf. And, um, on the shelf was, uh, Rebecca Rosen's book. Um, and I'm blanking out on the name now. Matt Kosterman: I can find it important. I'm blame. But it was on psychics or on channeling. Uh, Laura O'Malley: so she's a psychic channel out of, uh, she's from Colorado. Um, I think Denver and, um, God, it's killing me that I can't remember the name of this book right now. Anyway, um, I, I, I don't buy books. I never buy books. I go to the library and I was like, I need to buy this book. And so I walked right up to the, to the checkout. 'cause I was afraid I was gonna change my mind and I knew that I needed the book. And I was like, but it's this much money. And I had this huge money fear at the time. And so I forced myself to like literally run up and pay for it. And just as I was paying for the book, my husband walked in and, um. And we left. So I started reading the book and it was probably about 12 or 13 pages in, she starts talking about going to a bookstore and sitting down and writing in her journal. And her grandmother came through to her, and this is, I believe, the first time that she was automatic writing. And so she was talking about automatic writing. And, um, I put the book down in that moment and picked up a pen and started doing it. And I didn't know if I was doing it wrong. I didn't know if I was doing it right. I didn't have any idea. But like, I just, the thoughts, it's not like my anybody was moving my hand. That's not how it works. The, the thoughts were my thoughts, but the thoughts were coming through and, um. Writing and my hand was moving and, and, and I think it, it just ha it went on for pages and pages. And when I finally stopped and put it down and then went back to it a few hours later, I was like, what is going on here? Because, 'cause Matt Kosterman: you didn't even really, I didn't remember writing it. What was like, I Laura O'Malley: didn't really, yeah. And so I, I started doing that every day. I was, uh, in contact with whoever was in contact with me saying that they were my guides. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And, um, there were several of them, seven, and they were telling me their names. They were telling me what they were helping me with, and I thought it was all crazy. I, I truly did. Like you Matt Kosterman: were losing your mind, like the, like, like, I mean, I laughed about it. Maybe not cancer, but the loony bin. Well, Laura O'Malley: not quite yet. Okay. I, I did think it was crazy. I also thought I was making it up. Matt Kosterman: Okay. Laura O'Malley: And I thought, that's fine. I'm making it up. It's fun. And it's, you know, distracting me away from. Everything else. And so it wasn't until, um, dearest came through to me. Mm-hmm. So, um, after like a couple journals worth of writing, um, a different energy came through and it felt very, very different from my, from your guides, from your guides energy. And my hand went like up into the air. It was very, and like I was holding a pen or a pencil with like a couple fingers, and then my hand came down and the print that was coming out was like, type set. Mm. Was very, very odd. And I was like, Ooh. I was like, woo, what's happening now? And I said something to the effect of, who are you? And they said like, like source or something like that. Um, and it freaked me out because when they said source, I heard God. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: In my interpretation of that word, I didn't, I don't know if I ever heard that word before, but I just thought in Matt Kosterman: relation to God. Yeah. Like in relation to it. Laura O'Malley: And I thought the word God in my, in my head as I was, and that's when I thought I had a brain tumor. Like, oh, right then I thought I, I threw the pen down. I ran upstairs to my room, I'm sobbing my eyes out. I'm like, I definitely have a brain tumor. I'm, God is talking to me. Like that's what happened. And so I was accepting of my guides, you know, quote unquote guides, but not of God. But not God. Because, because I was raised Catholic and so the idea of God was completely different. Like guides were like my angels, okay, maybe they were talking to me, but why would God talk to me? I didn't really understand, uh, what I now understand about what source energy is. So. Yeah. So, um, I Matt Kosterman: mean, you would, you would've needed a priest at a bare, at a bare minimum Laura O'Malley: for God to go, oh God. No. Way too afraid. Way too afraid. Um, anyway, um, I, I didn't do it again for several days, maybe four or five days. I would have to look in my journal. Um, and then when I finally went back and started having the conversation, they basically said to me, really, you prefer a brain tumor to speaking to, you know, what you believe is God, or something to that effect. And I was like, yeah, actually. And um, the information that came through. That source was very, very different from what I had been told previously, um, Matt Kosterman: through, from your guides? Laura O'Malley: From my guides. And I don't know, because Matt Kosterman: they were sort of, they were just sort of opening you and, and yeah, Laura O'Malley: they were giving me more information about them. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And this energy was giving me information about me. And so were they Matt Kosterman: like, Hey, yeah, I'm from Buffalo and I'm from, Laura O'Malley: so, so, well no, they were just like a plumber. I was a plumber. I mean, your life for this, like, Samantha was one of the first ones that came and, um, said to me, actually, no, I, yeah, I found out about Samantha after, didn't I? Okay. Yeah. They're, they're gonna correct me every time. I, it's Matt Kosterman: like having your built, built in auto Correct. Laura O'Malley: It really is. Yeah. Um, once I found out through this, this source, um, that some bad things had happened to me when I was a child, I was sexually abused, which I didn't really remember it. I was really, really young when it happened. Um, then Samantha came through who is no longer one of my guides, but was a guide when I was a child. And, um, she explained to me that she would cover my ears, cover my eyes, and take me out of my body. Mm. Like take my consciousness out of my body when it was happening, so I didn't have to, I guess, experience it. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And, um, I didn't really know what to think about it other than I remember as an adult having an odd memory and, and asking my mom something about it and her face getting really weird. And then she basically made a statement about something that I said about my grandfather. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: Um, and. When I was a child and the situation that played out. And then she explained to me that she, um, Matt Kosterman: your mother, Laura O'Malley: my mother called my aunt. Matt Kosterman: Oh, Samantha explained this, Laura O'Malley: um, Samantha explained to me, um, that I went to a movie theater and my mom was with, with me, and my aunts were with me. And I was three-ish. And, um, it was a Tom and Jerry before the movie, remember back in the day? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. When they had the cartoons before the movie. And so it was to a Tom and Jerry movie, and it was the Tom and Jerry and I remember this vividly where, and it might might be more than just one, but Jerry's trying to run away and Tom has him by the tail and he is holding the tail and Jerry's doing the air running. Yeah. And he picks up a butcher knife and he goes, I. To chop off Jerry's tail. And the second that the knife's coming down, Jerry Escapes and I start screaming hysterically in the Matt Kosterman: movie theater, Laura O'Malley: in the movie theater, like screaming and screaming and screaming and crying. And they cannot console me. The, you know, they have to turn the movie off and everybody's looking at us, and my mom and my aunts are carrying me out. And nobody understood why, Matt Kosterman: right? Laura O'Malley: Um, and Samantha explained to me why. So Samantha explained to me that when, at one point during the abuse, my grandfather said to me in a very happy, sweet, smiling way. Holding a knife and he was holding a knife and he was like, if anybody found out about this, they might get cut with this knife. And I hope, you know, your mom doesn't find out about this. I hope your sister doesn't find out about this. 'cause they might get, they might get cut by this knife and you wouldn't want them. I mean, like Yeah. In a very sweet, right. Matt Kosterman: Oh man. Laura O'Malley: And so when I saw that butcher knife, it just set me off. And so, um, my, you know, my mom never even knew about that. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: Because she had passed before. I could not that I would share that with her. I don't think I would. But before Matt Kosterman: all this came through. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Um, anyway, so little by little I was. Having deep conversations with this source. And it became what I referred to as this dearest energy because out of all the energies, and I don't know where the name came from, it just came to me and I started calling them and at the time thought it was an individual of some sort. Mm-hmm. So him, her, it, I don't know what I thought it was, but I just would write Dearest, dearest. And um, and then they responded to that name. And then a couple years later I found out that dearest was not an individual, dearest was a collective, Matt Kosterman: a collective of energy. Laura O'Malley: And um, they sort of just. Started moving me and helping. I don't know what I was doing. I started moving when I was meditating and then I started moving over people that would allow me to, and I had no idea what I was doing. And people would say that they were seeing things and feeling things. And I was like, all right, I have no idea what I'm doing. And, um, that was for several years. And then, um, I started channeling one day when I was doing automatic writing. 'cause I think I probably have 23 to 25 journals of automatic writing. Wow. And, um, it wasn't coming. I couldn't write fast enough. And. Ah, I was in such a surrendered state state. It was coming so quickly. It was coming so fast, and my hand was writing so fast and then it just came outta my mouth. And at that point I knew what it was. Mm-hmm. And I knew that it was them speaking through me and I was so excited because everything changed after that. Mm. So, yeah, that's what I do now. I Matt Kosterman: And when was, when was that, was that pre pandemic? Laura O'Malley: Um, that was 22. Matt Kosterman: Oh, okay. 22. Laura O'Malley: When you first came through that was 22? No. Okay. Wait, wait. When did you first come through? Like, through my voice? I think I'm nervous. I think I'm resisting. 19. Yeah. Okay. So pre pandemic 2019. And, um, what was, why did you say 22? Okay. They're saying we misunderstood. Matt Kosterman: Okay. Laura O'Malley: I don't think they did misunderstand. I don't know what they, what the 22 was. Was that my nerves or something? I, my daughter, Matt Kosterman: my daughter's 22 Laura O'Malley: maybe. I we're supposed talk about that happy Matt Kosterman: birthday. Laura O'Malley: I love that. That's what it was. Yes. Yes. That's funny. Yeah. That's, that's how they work their magic. Um, whatever needs to come out, comes out. So now, you know, now I just connect with them and people can ask me questions or they deliver information or, it's all about becoming happier in your life. That's what it's about. It's, you know, I sometimes call myself a happiness coach, but which is really what it's, it's it's, they coach you. They coach you how to be happy. Matt Kosterman: How to be happy. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. It's remarkable. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. It's really fun. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And I've never been happier because Matt Kosterman: Yeah, you're like, she Laura's the happiest person I know on the planet. Laura O'Malley: I, I mean truly, I, I went from like not wanting to be here to being like, oh my God, I am one of the most blessed people ever. And now of course I recognize that it's a choice I made to move in that direction. And it's a choice we all make Matt Kosterman: right? Laura O'Malley: In every moment. It's a choice you make in every moment. Um, but all of us have this connection. And I know it that when I say that to people, sometimes it freaks them out and they're like, I don't want someone talking to me. I don't wanna be that Matt Kosterman: coup. It might have a brain tumor. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: But you know, again, it's when it first happened to me, I mean. I didn't really care what other people thought about me. I think I was past that. I knew it was something spectacular and so I didn't really care if somebody was gonna judge me about it. I just knew that they weren't there yet. They didn't understand it yet. But yeah, my husband didn't want me talking about it to anybody that he knew at all. And when and when we would be at family parties and, and yeah, he would come up to me and like, squeeze my arm and go, we're not talking about this today. Because it was weird. I mean, it was, it was weird. And you Matt Kosterman: had, you had no, uh, education or study of spirituality beyond re religious program, beyond religious programming that you had gotten Laura O'Malley: Correct. Matt Kosterman: As a, as a Laura O'Malley: correct. And I act actually knew, or it was, I didn't know it was, what I had heard is that this was like the devil's work. Sure. Right. Sure. So I never believed that. Matt Kosterman: But it sticks. It sticks someplace. I do Laura O'Malley: remember like somewhere in Catholicism hearing about psychics, you know, or people that have this, these things that, abilities. Abilities. Yeah. Um, and that from the Catholic perspective, it was kind of a no-no. Matt Kosterman: Well, and it's so, I mean, I'm not gonna do it, you know, go down the rabbit hole, but it's really, really interesting and I haven't read a lot of it, but when you look at how the church, all, all churches, but especially the Catholic church Yeah. Systematically discredited anything that didn't require you going through an intercessor Laura O'Malley: Yes. Yes. Matt Kosterman: That you, you know. Laura O'Malley: Yes. It Matt Kosterman: cannot be, you cannot find God on your own. Well know. You cannot find, you cannot. Laura O'Malley: Have you seen the movie Conclave? Matt Kosterman: No. Laura O'Malley: Okay. You have to watch it. That's good. Matt Kosterman: Okay. Laura O'Malley: Yes. So I watched it for the second time last night because my son wanted to watch it and I didn't tell him I had already seen it because it's so good and he wanted to watch it and we were gonna hang out together. Um, but there is a point in the movie where, um, the conclave is just beginning. And I wish I could remember the exact quote, but the quote has something to do with, within the Catholic faith, there, there can't be certainty. And, and the, the cardinal says something to the effect that certainty is a sin his, and it's like, in his opinion, the worst sin. Because if you're certain, then wheres faith? Yeah. And that faith rests on doubt. Matt Kosterman: Hmm. So Laura O'Malley: from a, well, think about this from a person's perspective. If they have doubt about everything, then faith helps them. Mm-hmm. Right. But if they have certainty, they don't need faith. And it's interesting because I am certain of who I'm speaking with. Yeah. I am certain of the intention of the energy coming through me. I am certain that it is love Matt Kosterman: and for good and Laura O'Malley: light, and the intention is positive. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And so, unfortunately, fortunately, unfortunately, I don't really consider myself Catholic any longer because Matt Kosterman: you don't, you don't resonate with the teachings. Laura O'Malley: I don't. And I, and I don't have to go and confess to somebody else. Right. Because I don't have anything to confess. And I know that based upon everything that I've learned, having this connection and there is a certainty. And so I find it interesting. I just thought that quote was just incredible because you do have to doubt in order, in order to have to have faith. Yeah. And, and seek whatever it is from whatever religion. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And they, and, and all of them are purporting to be the one, uh, Laura O'Malley: yeah. I Matt Kosterman: mean even I, I, I was, I had an, uh, a, a mystic, a comparative mysticism segment and a course that I was taking with, uh, Jorge Ferre, who's a, a scholar in mysticism. And you know, he said even if you ask, you know, the Dalai Lama will speak well of all of the religions, he won't speak, but it's still that their way is the only way. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Right. It, yeah, it's interesting. It's, it's Matt Kosterman: interesting how it, um, Laura O'Malley: and obviously that is a. Obviously it's a form of ego. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Which we all suffer. We're bodies. And, and, and, Laura O'Malley: and it's a construct, created for this realm, purposely created for this realm helping us in this realm. Because the purpose of this realm is to have experiences that we can't have back home where we come from. Right. And so without the ego, we wouldn't be able to have the experiences, and they also wouldn't feel as real as they do. Yeah. So, oh, Matt Kosterman: they feel real. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. That's a whole nother show. Yeah. Um, anyway, Matt Kosterman: so, so now who, uh, how, what, what is your, what do your days look like? Who do you help? Who come, who comes to you? How do you, how do you work with people? So Laura O'Malley: it started off with friends, um, and then friends told friends. And, um, then a friend told a friend and a friend came to me and said, you need a website? And I said, Hmm. I dunno if I do. It's working out pretty well. Word of mouth. You need a website and I'm gonna do it for you. Thank you Megan Ogden. And, um, she created a website for me and it was, it's, it's a nice, Matt Kosterman: which is get, get into the light.com. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Get into the light.com. And, um, of course it helped. I, you know, didn't know that I needed it at the time, but again, I was open and allowing and she was so adamant about it and excited about it that she made me excited about it. And so now I have a website and, um, you know, random people do find me. Um, I think that the majority of my sessions are word of mouth. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: But it's nice to say, okay, go to my website and read about this first, because I don't really consider myself a psychic. Only because, or a medium because I, I and I, you know, there might be a bunch of people calling me up telling me I'm wrong saying this, and that's okay. But I think that their intention is to connect you with loved ones who've passed on. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And that's not my psychics. And medium is the general, it's sort of the general gist of that. Yeah. And which is why I like the term conscious channel. I mean, you're a conscious being. Laura O'Malley: Yes. Matt Kosterman: And you're channeling this information Yes. From the other side. And I, Laura O'Malley: and my intention is not to connect you with your grandmother, not to connect you. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: So I connect with Matt Kosterman: that happens. Sometimes Laura O'Malley: it does happen. They pop in and say hello, but I don't have a ton of practice doing that. And so it makes me a little nervous. Matt Kosterman: Mm. Laura O'Malley: Not because I don't think I can do it, but just because I wanna make sure that. The information coming through is without ego. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: So I don't wanna get in the way of that. And when I'm channeling the collectives that I channel, I, I, I know I'm out of the way because I've practiced so much. I've been doing it for so long that, that it just comes through and, and I trust them so much. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. And you can, and you can dis can you discern the different energies of different Oh yeah. It, it, it feels different. It's heavy. Laura O'Malley: It's, it's not heavier, it's more intense and it's all encompassing is the only way I can, and I, and, and I trust it so much that I allow myself to let go. Mm-hmm. When I'm channeling other energies that pop in. It's more, it's, it's lighter. Mm-hmm. Um, and I'm more present like myself. Laura is more present, myself is more present for the interaction. But as soon as like, you know, they give, start giving me names and things like that, then I start freaking out. I dont know. Yeah. I, I, my, my ego comes in, I start to worry. I'm gonna get something wrong, and then I, I feel like I'm almost, um, censoring mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's coming through and I don't like that feeling. And so I give, what I know is meant is meant to be delivered. And it's always something that is positive. And, um, I'm getting better. Mm-hmm. I'm getting better mm-hmm. At letting them speak more, but that's not, uh, my initial intention because there's so much to be gained from these. Other collectives. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And that come through And are they, are they come, are they, are they coming without names these days or there's less about the names of who they're I know it's really, Laura O'Malley: it's funny because I sat during my meditation this morning before I came, before I got in the car to come here. And, um, and I asked about that because on, so I'm on News for the Soul every other, the, the, the radio show, the second news for the Soul. Yeah. It's a, a radio streaming, um, the first and third Tuesday of the month, um, at noon central time. And, um, you can call in and ask questions and I answer questions. Um, and when I first started doing the show, which was I guess three and a half, three, three and a half years ago, um, I was channeling Dearest. Yeah. Which is that first collective that I connected with. I was channeling, um, the Council of Light. I was channeling, uh, the witnesses. What was their name? The witnesses to the light within and the Maestros of Love. Can't even remember. It's been so long. Interesting. Yeah. Um, but different collectives that called themselves these names and they made it clear to me that that wasn't their name. Matt Kosterman: Mm. Laura O'Malley: Even dearest who goes by the Light initiative, they explained to me one day that when I connect with them, when I connect with this energy, the energy expression of them, that I interpret the energy expression and give it a name myself. Okay. So when I feel that energy, it feels to me like the light initiative. Matt Kosterman: Okay. Laura O'Malley: And the vocabulary, the, you know, human language that comes from my feeling, it happens automatically within me. So I think they're saying to me. Our name is the Light Initiative, when in fact, what's happening is I am feeling their energy and something within me because I'm a fractal of the consciousness. Right. Right. Declares this energy as the light initiative, and it's basically just a way for me to say, oh, when I feel this, it's, I'm assigning Yeah. I'm stamping them with a name Matt Kosterman: because my, my understanding is we're, we're, we're in these bodies. We're in this plane. We name things. Yes. Things have names. Yes. That's how we create our reality back home where we're love and light, where it's colors or it's It's, or feelings. Or Feelings. Or feelings. Or feelings. Yeah. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And, and that's because we're in these bodies to play in this. Pretend world. Yeah. Illusionary world Made up world, which was made up, created by source energy. So we could come here and have experiences that we can't have back home. And the intention of every experience here is expansion of the whole. The one through Matt Kosterman: through contrast, Laura O'Malley: correct. Matt Kosterman: Through light, dark, good. Correct. Oh my god. Loud, soft. Do you Laura O'Malley: hear them? They're coming through. They're actually starting to answer you. I don't know. They were like, correct Matthew. Matt Kosterman: The committee's not here at. Laura O'Malley: They're like, we're here, we're here we're, we're here, we're here. Yeah. They're being kind. They're letting me speak 'cause I'm getting better at it. I'm trusting myself more to relay the information without always needing them to come through and relay the information. It's becoming easier for me to talk about it because I trust that I'm picking the stuff up and I'm knowing this stuff. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: Plus we're all kind of walking channels anyway. You know, it's just a matter of what vibration are we holding? That's what we're channeling. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Yeah. And so in, so some you have somebody comes to you and, and they ask you questions about their lives and what their cha, their challenges are. And Laura O'Malley: so when you were saying, what does a person look like that's coming to me? Yeah. When I first started doing this work, um, with the channel aspect, it was mostly people that were suffering horribly. Mm-hmm. I had. Tons and tons and tons of people who were in a state of suffering. And so they were coming to me for answers about their suffering, which was fantastic because the collectives that I work with are all about giving information on how to elevate your vibrational level because we're all energy here. It's all about energy, but it is meeting the person where they are and giving the exact information that they need Matt Kosterman: at that moment Laura O'Malley: as not to overwhelm, as not to deliver too much, as not to say things that are gonna be so obscure. Mm-hmm. They can't understand it. So I hate to use the term dumbing down, but initially simplifying, simplifying when they were speaking to me, I would, I would say to them constantly, can you dumb it down for me, please? Mm-hmm. Just dumb it down for me. So that, and, and they would. Use what I have access to the vocabulary within me that I would understand, and so they did, mm-hmm. Simplify it or dumb it down for me. And now I understand at higher levels, but I don't, I'm constantly saying we want them to walk out here and we want them to know what they can do. We want them to be able to access a higher vibrational level and know that they are intentionally accessing a higher vibrational level so that they can feel better, you know, for three minutes here and three minutes there, which all continues. To build Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Their Laura O'Malley: vibrational level so that as they continue to walk forward and do this work, they are on a continual path of feeling better and better and better, and better and better. And that's what my intention is, is to just sort of educate people about the truth of our world here, because we have not been taught Matt Kosterman: no. Laura O'Malley: The truth of our world here. Matt Kosterman: And, and that's essentially what happened to you as you opened you, you, you didn't feel great. You were feeling terrible. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: And you felt neutral. I felt Laura O'Malley: better. Better. I didn't feel good. I felt better. You felt better. Matt Kosterman: And Laura O'Malley: But better. Was better. Was better. Better was better. It was so much better than how I was feeling prior that I just wanted to sit and meditate for hours because, oh my gosh, this is better. This is Matt Kosterman: better. Yeah. You, you start to understand why there's ti monks and caves and Tibet that, that are sitting in bliss for 12 hours a day. And Laura O'Malley: honestly, Matt, also, I think what really drove me at that time was the fact that I knew, because before I knew what was wrong with me, you know, quote unquote wrong with me, the depression that I was experiencing before I labeled it, because I had been feeling it for a while and it had been building for years. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: But I never, ever would've stamped myself as a depressed person ever. Mm. Because I pretended all the time not to be. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And when you know that term, fake it till you make it. When I was faking it, I felt better. Matt Kosterman: Okay. Because you could wallow in it and be, I'm, I'm depressed. Yes. Or you could be like, Laura O'Malley: yes, I could distract myself. Mm-hmm. And so that's what I was doing. I was distracting myself by pretending to feel good. And ultimately what was happening was I was starting to feel better because I distracted myself, but I was not doing it for myself. I was doing it for the other people around me. Ah, for the family. Yeah. Because I didn't want them to know that I didn't feel good. 'cause I didn't understand why I didn't feel good and I thought that something was wrong. Like, I was like, what is wrong with me? So yeah, Matt Kosterman: I've done all the things. I've got all, I've got all the things. I've got the four kids. I've got the house, the car, the dog, the husband. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: So truly I think that having heard read known about all these people in the world that are depressed and not understanding how that happens, and then it suddenly, I. Was happening to me and then I knew what it was. And so I could empathize at that point with all these other people because I didn't understand the powerlessness Matt Kosterman: that you could feel. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. I just thought, well, stop feeling that way because Matt Kosterman: it, it was so heavy. Laura O'Malley: Right. But I, but I thought that all you have to do is stop feeling that way. I didn't understand that you couldn't stop feeling that way. Matt Kosterman: But what, what's sort, it's sort of interesting because the guidance that comes through literally is stop feeling that way. Yes. Laura O'Malley: And so full circle, here we go. Right. It was like, I first was a person that was judging Yeah. Depression. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: As why don't they just stop themselves? And then I was a person that came into it and I was like, oh yeah, this sucks. I can't stop feeling this way. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. And then they snuck in the back door. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Started rescuing me from myself and teaching me, yes, you can. If you can distract yourself away from those thoughts Matt Kosterman: for a little while, Laura O'Malley: even for a few minutes, you are building your ability to do that a little longer next time, and a little longer than that next time, and a little longer than that next time. And you're exactly right. I mean that, and that's what I do. I teach people how to intentionally focus on thought. That feels better for linear time Matt Kosterman: because what you, what you ultimately is very difficult to do, just to take yourself quickly from a low vibration to a high vibration. Impossible. Laura O'Malley: Well, they're like screaming in my air right now. Not impossible, Matt Kosterman: not, I, I didn't say impossible. Oh, no, I did. Yeah, I did. Oh, okay. Yeah. Difficult. Yeah. Challenging. Challenging to jump. So many Yeah. Levels Laura O'Malley: because you are a lower vibration and it's, it's, it's extremely challenging. And it's the Matt Kosterman: body, it's like the whole, yes. Laura O'Malley: Your whole body is vibrating. And the vibrational level comes from practicing focusing on thought. That doesn't feel good, Matt Kosterman: that that's what holds you in the low vibration. That's what Laura O'Malley: holds you in the low vibration. Right. And so Matt Kosterman: because you're re you're constantly reinforcing it. Laura O'Malley: We're not taught an awareness that we actually can be aware outside of ourselves that we're experiencing something because we're experiencing a feeling because we're focusing on something. Mm-hmm. And the attachment between the, the focus of thought and the feeling. And that's another thing that they explained to me, that what you are feeling. Is irrelevant. It either feels somewhere in the realm of something you don't wanna feel, or somewhere in the realm of something you find pleasurable or content or peace or joy or calm or love or something. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: Which would be considered a higher vibration in everything else. So lower vibration and that we actually have the power to focus our thought on whatever we choose to focus our thought on. And this is, Matt Kosterman: well, we're, we're, we're taught that it's put upon us. Like we're, it, it seems, it seems the teaching, is that the feeling? Yeah. That it happens to us. Laura O'Malley: The feeling happens to us because that guy said those words to me. Yes. And so I, and now I feel bad Matt Kosterman: and, right. Yeah. And, and yeah. And one of my early, my very first group experiences at a place called The Meadows, I remember they were, it's a experiential therapy and they were very specific there about saying. He makes me feel this way. You make me. It was, it was this happened and about that. I feel so they, you know, we always had to change our language that somebody doesn't, you know, somebody doesn't make you feel anything. Well, you can feel something, but you had an experience and you choosing at some level to have a feeling. Laura O'Malley: The, the way that it's been explained to me, which I really think gives a lot of clarity, is you watch what happens. Okay? You, you hear what happens. So we're using our five, you know, our, our senses, which they refer to as energy, deciphering mechanisms, Matt Kosterman: face, touch, smell, site. Laura O'Malley: So we're all born into this body with energy deciphering mechanisms. Our feeling is also a sense, but we're not taught that. Mm. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: So our feeling is an energy deciphering mechanism. Our eyes, whoops. See our eyes decipher. When that person does that thing outside of us and we hear them and then we get mad or angry or sad based on, Matt Kosterman: on the, our energy Laura O'Malley: deciphering mechanisms delivering information to us. Right? But what's actually happening is because we are all fractals of source energy, we are all energetic beings. We are all powerful beyond what we understand. Yeah. We are creators. And so what happens in every here now moment of our existence is we create a thought about what we're seeing or a judgment. It's really judgment. A judgment, right? Judgment. So he said those words and now I'm judging him. I'm judging myself. I'm judging the situation, but I'm creating, in my mind, I'm thinking about thinking about. The situation and the feeling is actually linked to what I am thinking about, not to what happened outside of me. Matt Kosterman: It has nothing to do with it. So Laura O'Malley: I'm a creator. I'm constantly creating thought. The thought that I'm creating is my God power. Every single thought, every single moment. Matt Kosterman: Is it safe to say that that's where free will comes in? Laura O'Malley: Correct. Matt Kosterman: We have the, the, the, the free will to choose Laura O'Malley: the thought. What to think about, what to think about it in every moment. Right. We have the choice Matt Kosterman: because stuff's gonna happen. Laura O'Malley: Mm-hmm. Matt Kosterman: That's why we're here. Stuff is always happening. Stuff Laura O'Malley: is always happening. But the connection to our feeling is because we are these little energy bubbles. Our natural state is a high vibrational state. We're source energy beings. So we're, we're vibrating in our natural state at a high vibrational level, and then we create in our energy bubble. Mm-hmm. We create a thought about that thing that happened outside of us. Well, another one of their teachings is everything that comes into your experience is for your greatest good. Right. So everything coming is a gift. Yeah. Every, it's not being made aware to you if it is not a gift somehow. And so Matt Kosterman: at, at some level that you may not be present to correct it. A gift. It might be, yes. It might be at a soul level that it's a gift. And it might, it Laura O'Malley: might. We, we might not realize it for two minutes, two days or two years, but somehow that's contributing to our greatest good. And so when we create a thought about it and judge it as not being, I. A contribution to our greatest good. Yeah. That energetic creation that we are creating with our thinking, with our God power inside our little bubble, which is a high vibrational bubble, doesn't resonate at our vibrational level. It resonates at a lower vibrational level, and it creates a feeling within us because of the low vibration that we have chosen. There's a, there's a dissonance. Yes. It's a dissonance. Yeah. And it feels like discomfort, anger, fear, sadness. Matt Kosterman: Fear. Exactly. Laura O'Malley: Anything. Anything below contentment. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: So, you know, annoyance is, is a low vibration. Fear is a low vibration. Angry, you know, sad, shame, frustration, shame, shame, shame. Yeah. Anxiety, depression, all of it there. It, it's just. Those are the goodies they call 'em. Yeah. The goodies. The goodies. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: Everything available in this realm to have the experience. If that's which we are not. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Yeah. And, and the more, and the more of those thoughts that you create with your God power, the more of this lower vibrational energy gets stuck in your, you're choosing Laura O'Malley: to bring into. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And it, and it's, it's now in your bubble. Yes. And lowering the overall vibration of your bubble. Yes. Laura O'Malley: And so the influence that that has on you is that now you're vibrating at a lower influence and you're sending that message out to the universe. Because in every moment of existence here, the way we are feeling is the message we are sending out. Asking the universe more, please. Right. More please. When you're feeling joyous, you're saying More, please. More opportunity for me to feel this way. And so into our awareness comes all kinds of scenarios, all kinds of, you know. Opportunities for us to feel that way again. And so that guy that said that thing that made me mad and made me create that idea, oh, he's a jerk. Or Oh my God, is that real about me? Oh, terrible. Right. Or whatever. Yeah. That came to me because at some point I was feeling a lower vibrational feeling, and that's what I was projecting out into the universe. And so the universe is like, oh, Laura wants to feel sad again. Let's throw him into her awareness so that she can experience that feeling again. Matt Kosterman: She's asking for it. She's Laura O'Malley: asking for it. She wants it. She wants it. Um, and so it's very complicated, but it's really not. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And I, I think back to, I went through a whole lot of chronic pain, pelvic pain. I literally shifted things out of alignment and I was. And when I look at my vibration in hindsight, I mean, first of all, I'm super grateful for it now. Like you talked about two minutes, two days, two years, whatever. It was awful. I had years and years of being depressed, of being in pain. Um, but I also saw how I kept reinforcing it. I, because I was so angry with myself, whatever that is, that this was happening. Like what? I mean, I remember one day in the bathroom screaming so loud that I, I burst a small capillary in under my eye. Yikes. Just 'cause nothing seemed to be moving. I was just this block. But I continued to call these things to myself based on my, my emotional state, my vibrational state and more bad shit just kept coming to me. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. And so the more you focus on the problem or the bad state or the low vibration, that's what you're sending the signal of. Um, yeah, Matt Kosterman: gimme more. Laura O'Malley: And so you are that powerful. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Right. So that's just an example of the power that we yield in these bodies, that once we start to understand, you actually have the capacity it's built in for you to intentionally focus or direct your thought on things that are high vibration. How do I know it's a high vibration? Because you feel better. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: So when I was meditating in the beginning, I wasn't thinking all those other thoughts. And so I was feeling calm and peace and better. I don't know what thoughts I was thinking. I think I was maybe just thinking nothing. Matt Kosterman: I was gonna say, it doesn't even matter. Right. You just weren't thinking below vibrational work. Exactly. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And so that's how I was rescued from myself and the, the feeling. Is connected to what we are thinking about and that's what we're not taught. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: We're, we're taught. The feeling is connected to what that person outside of me does. So as soon as you start to gain an understanding that how you feel is 100% about what you're thinking about, then you kind of go, huh, let me experiment with that a little bit. And then you, I mean, I turn on my favorite song and start dancing and get swept up in the vibration of that favorite song, and I pull out my tambourine and which annoys the crap out of my family. And I'm, you know, dancing around my kitchen and. Now I have no memory of what I was thinking about before. Like, I can, I'm so happy in this moment, in that Matt Kosterman: here, in that moment Laura O'Malley: that I can't even remember why I chose, wait, I gotta go play my song right now. Mm-hmm. And I do that because I'm not feeling good. Mm-hmm. For whatever reason, whatever, Matt Kosterman: it doesn't matter. The other thing, and I would take it further, in terms of our programming, our teaching, at least in, in my experience, and I know especially many men, not only are we not taught this connection, we're also taught that emotions are bad. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're also taught that anger is bad. Right? Anger is bad. Fear is bad. Don't show your fear. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: So pretend you're not feeling it, and that's just squishing it down. Or even Matt Kosterman: depression, we're taught, you know, we're, there's a pill for that. We'll fix you. Get over it. Get over it. Get over it. Get over it. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. I mean, growing up it was, uh, you can stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: So, you know, I, I wonder now, you know, when an emotion comes up and I go. You know Right. The, that's the first instinct is to push it down. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: And, and in my case, it took psychedelic medicine to, to give me these experiences of higher vibrations 'cause I was so effing stubborn Laura O'Malley: and also, and this is what I'm being given right now. Mm-hmm. So they're saying not only did it do that, but it also put you in a non-resistant state so that the lower vibrational blockages could exit, Matt Kosterman: could, could leave. Laura O'Malley: So there was a lot in there. Matt Kosterman: Yes. Laura O'Malley: And so it was difficult for you to rescue yourself from it and so that put you in an non-resistant state and a lot of that stuff just kind of was able to leave you. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Interesting. Matt Kosterman: Interesting. Yeah, there was a lot there for, for sure. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. A lot of us have a lot in there. A lot of us have a lot. And so, you know, for you to say like, I think that's really great, Matt, that um, we're, we're taught not to feel our feelings, but the fact that, you know, just hearing my feeling is in relationship to what I'm thinking about. Yeah. So anytime I feel anything below contentment, it doesn't matter what it is, it can be rage or it can be annoyance. That the, the reason for the plethora of opportunity of, of these lower vibrational feelings is because we have attachments to our beliefs that are also different levels. So if that guy sort of annoys me. He does that thing in my presence and I'm sort of annoyed and I can roll my eyes and be like, Matt Kosterman: mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: It's not that big of a thing. But if I see somebody, you know, beating their child and I have a very visceral, strong attachment to the wrongness of that, now I'm really feeling angry. All that's doing is showing me my thought that I'm creating about the wrongness of that my, my attachment to the, the belief system that that's, you know, wrong or annoying. Matt Kosterman: There's a judgment. There's a judgment there. Laura O'Malley: Exactly. And so my feeling comes through based on the level of my belief about what's happening. ' Matt Kosterman: cause ultimately they're teaching. The teaching that comes through in, in every session that I've had with you is that the emotions are the guidance system. Laura O'Malley: Well, so it's, it's your guidance system, right? It's alerting you, Matt Kosterman: alerting you that, Laura O'Malley: that the thought you're creating is low vibration. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: So the low vibrational thoughts that you create are contributing to your greatest good. Also, this is what Right. Matt Kosterman: Don't want, don't wanna make 'em wrong. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: I don't wanna, but it's, yeah. They're not wrong. They're not wrong. They're Laura O'Malley: available here. Matt Kosterman: Yes. That's Laura O'Malley: why you came here. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And you can have the, you're perfectly welcome to have the experience. Yes. Laura O'Malley: As much as you want. Matt Kosterman: As long as you want for as many Laura O'Malley: years as you want. All the way till the end. It's your choice. Right. It's called free will. Matt Kosterman: And your soul is up there going, bring it on. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Right. So the low vibrational feelings are still contributing to you becoming more Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: They're still contributing to the consciousness of the planet, becoming more, they're still contributing to. Source energy as a, as a one, becoming more what they're not doing for you, and this is what people don't understand also, is they're not aligning you with your desires. So when you, you, that's where Matt Kosterman: the guidance comes in and that's Laura O'Malley: where the guidance comes in. That's why you have the guidance system, because Source knows that when you get here, you want to align as much as you can with your desires. You wanna experience everything here that feels good to you. You don't wanna spend years feeling bad, whether that's Matt Kosterman: mountain climbing, skydiving, whatever feels to you, whatever it is. Yes. Whatever makes you, whatever you feel good doing. Yes. Laura O'Malley: So the guidance comes in to alert you when you're focusing on low vibration, because this low vibration doesn't align with your desires, Matt Kosterman: and one person's low vibration might not be another's. Laura O'Malley: Every single person's low and high vibrational. Well, I mean, there are certain things probably that are a little more common Matt Kosterman: for sure, but, but there's the infinite shades of gray. Yes. In, in between there. Laura O'Malley: Yes. So every single time you feel discomfort, anything below contentment, it is your higher self, your guides source, whoever is out there, your grandma, your mom, your dad, um, helping to alert you, Hey, how's that feeling right now? Basically, the message is what you're thinking about right now. Is making you feel that way? Does it feel good? No. Okay. Awesome. Do you remember that right now you are sending a signal out to the universe that you wanna feel like this some more? Yeah. Oh wait, did you forget that? Oh, okay. Well, we're here to remind you with this feeling so it doesn't feel good. It might feel like annoyance, it might feel like anger, it might feel like fear. It doesn't matter what it feels like. It isn't in alignment vibrationally with what you want with your desires. So go ahead, spend 20 minutes doing that and the universe will bring you lots of opportunities to feel that way again. And that's okay because those are gonna contribute to your greatest good, Matt Kosterman: right? But meanwhile, you're wallowing in the low vibration, Laura O'Malley: but meanwhile you're moving further away from your desires. Mm-hmm. So if instead you wanna. Vibrate in alignment with your desires. Then when you feel that anger, you can say, oh, oh, oh, I know what that is. It's guidance from my soul. Yeah. That I'm thinking a thought that doesn't align with my desires. So I'm gonna do whatever I can right now to stop thinking that thought, and I'm gonna think about whatever. It's irrelevant what I think about now. The only condition for me is that I feel better because if I feel better now, this is the signal I'm sending out to the universe now. I'm saying, look, universe, this is how I wanna feel. Actually, I didn't wanna feel that other way, and I'm stopping myself now, so now I wanna feel this way. Mm-hmm. And, and that, that's the challenge. Yeah. So Matt Kosterman: to catch to, to catch it, to catch it. To Laura O'Malley: catch it. Matt Kosterman: And Laura O'Malley: for its truth, it's literally just source energy, delivering Matt Kosterman: information, Laura O'Malley: information. About what you're thinking about and does it align with your desires or does it not align with your desires? The more linear time that you spend feeling good, you are gaining vibration. It's getting higher and higher and higher. Every single thing you want is waiting for you in vibrational form. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And, and it is Laura O'Malley: your job Matt Kosterman: and you don't, you, you don't know it's there Laura O'Malley: because you can't see it Matt Kosterman: till you get there. Laura O'Malley: Because you can't see it. Because you Matt Kosterman: can't see it. 'cause you're not at the, you're not resonating with it. ' Laura O'Malley: cause your vibrational level isn't resonating with it. Yeah. Right, right. So as you're getting higher and higher and higher and higher, because it's not gonna drop down to the vibrational level you are, it's staying a high vibration and you know it's a high vibration. 'cause you think about that person, you think about that house, you think about that kid, you think about whatever it is. And you go, oh my God. And it makes you feel good. That's how you know it's a high vibration. You have to bring your vibration up to meet it, and that's how you get it. Mm-hmm. And then it comes to effortlessly. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: But the challenge truly is in, I believe our challenge is in reconditioning ourselves to recognize that the feeling I'm feeling is not because of him doing that thing. Mm-hmm. It is because I'm thinking a thought that doesn't align with my desires. So probably what I'm thinking is what a jerk when he does that thing, what a jerk. But the reality is he's not a jerk. He's doing that thing, first of all, because it's serving his greatest good somehow Matt Kosterman: and yours. Laura O'Malley: But it's also come into my awareness because of something previously that I, some signal that I sent out previously. Mm-hmm. That is like, oh, he needs to come into my awareness. It might be because I need to practice remembering that it's not about him, it's about the thought I'm creating about him. And I'm thinking he is a jerk. And then I go, oh wait, I'm thinking he's a jerk. And that's making me feel mad. Hooray. Yeah. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: But I have to have the awareness right here, right now in this moment. And that's critical. Matt Kosterman: And, and and that's, and that is where the teachings, the Eckhart and the, the teachings of there is only now. Yes. Because it's only in the now moment that you can have the awareness. Laura O'Malley: Yes. Which is a crazy out there thought for people that are not vibrationally aligned with it yet. Because I remember when I was there, Matt Kosterman: so a hundred percent, yeah. I mean, and, and the Power Now was one of the early books that, that I read during this. Laura O'Malley: So did you understand it when you read it? 'cause I read it. And I didn't understand it. It, Matt Kosterman: it, it wasn't an understanding, but there was a deep knowingness that it was truth. That's it. It, it was re it was like, I was like, yeah, yeah. I couldn't have explained it. Yeah. The way that I, that I haven't a limited understanding of it now, but it resonated. I read, I read it again 10 years later and I was like, yeah, okay. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: After doing a whole bunch of this work. Yeah. I Laura O'Malley: read it when Oprah told me to read it. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Well, yeah. Laura O'Malley: And, and I remember reading it going Crap, I Matt Kosterman: don't understand what's wrong with Laura O'Malley: me. Why don't I understand this? Yeah. And I wanted so badly, and it's funny because I really wanted to understand it, so I, I'm assuming, I'm making the assumption that probably that was the same as your experience. Like, I wanted, I knew that there was something to this. I Matt Kosterman: knew there was more. I, I, I, I've always known there was more, like even going back, I had an AP English teacher. Mr. Yarborough. Thanks Mr. Yarborough. If you're still out there, uh, who was like this Buddha figure and he had us, we, we read Siddhartha and we read Camo and Kafka and we interpreted Stairway to Heaven and watched the wall and class. Wow. You're pretty Laura O'Malley: lucky. Matt Kosterman: We're so lucky. Yeah. And, and even then, and I wrote a paper on the concept of Nirvana, not the band, 'cause I'm older than that. It wasn't even out yet. Um, and, and it was, I, I remember I gave it to my father to proofread and he's as, as, as left brain as they come. And he's, what's this garbage? And I was devastated. I mean, it took me, you know, years of therapy, I think, to get over that. Right. But even back then, I was like, 'cause you Laura O'Malley: created a thought in your mind in that moment. Yeah. Something's wrong with me. Yeah. I'm not smart. This is garbage. This is Matt Kosterman: garbage. Yeah. Yeah. But, but even back then, I remember just, and I listened to New age music. I was listening to Wyndham Hill all the time. And, and I, I, I knew there was, there was more, but I, I didn't know how to get there. And I could see it in people. I could sense it and then it, it wasn't, it, it was really, I mean, the psychedelics were great for opening me up. But, um, similar to you finding the, the psychic work. I had a, uh, our, our, our, um, our friend Laurie had recommended to me, Paul Sig, who's the conscious channel I witnessed talked about earlier. And I watched his YouTube with him channeling. And the way he does it is he, he whispers the words and he repeats them. And I was like, oh my God, what is, what is that? Right? And I said, girls we're going to the mall. And it was like summer, late summer of COVID. And things were just kind of, I also went to Barnes and Noble, thank God that they still have, you know, bookstores. Yeah, I know. I bought three books and, and I didn't put 'em down. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: And, and then, and that was when, then I started feeling it in my body. I was, I would get put into a. Into a liminal state. As I was watching his live streams or as I was reading the book, I would get just put, just out and I could feel the energy buzzing in my body just from reading this stuff. So you knew. So I knew, yeah. That I, I, I knew and, but there was for a long time still part of me that said, this is bullshit. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: And then finally one day, I, you know, you're talking about you, you make the choice one day finally, I said, look, Costman, whatever, you're doing's not working. So, and it's the cynicism. It was, it was the cynicism that this can't be, that this isn't possible. And I said, well, let's just test out dropping that, and let's just test, just test out. Maybe it is, Laura O'Malley: I think it's important to say that, um, the vibrational level that you're holding prior to coming into this information is perfect. Perfect. Right? Yeah. Because we all sign up to come here. We all sign up to have certain experiences here and we, we sign up to come here and have these experiences because every experience that we have of a lower vibration contributes to source understanding. Mm-hmm. Because sources love and light. And so in the beginning, whenever that was, you know, there wasn't any of these lower vibrational feelings experiences available. Um, and so in source, wanting to ex know itself, right, you have to have the experience of it Matt Kosterman: for the contrast. Laura O'Malley: And the only way you can have the experience of it is to believe fully Ah, Matt Kosterman: yeah, yeah, yeah. That your Laura O'Malley: experience is real. And here we have earth and Earth was created for that reason. And so I think it's important for people to understand that we come here. To have these experiences. And nothing is wrong here, Matt Kosterman: nothing's wrong. Right. And Laura O'Malley: so, Matt Kosterman: and you hear that when you're in a low vibrational state Yeah. And you're like, fuck you. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Right. Matt Kosterman: What do you mean nothing's wrong? Why don't you, well, even Laura O'Malley: in a higher vibrational state, I think it's hard Yeah. Sometimes to look at the, the, Matt Kosterman: the benefit, the atrocities Laura O'Malley: that are happening on our planet. And how do you hold the perspective that this is positive in any way, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So what I have been taught, and I don't go into detail about it because I know people have knee-jerk reactions that they wanna probably punch me in the face mm-hmm. When I say this. Mm-hmm. But I pull my perspective up and I say, okay, if every experience here is teaching us more, not only about ourselves, but about the consciousness of the planet. It's contributing to source as a one energy, all knowing, all powerful energy of creation. We have to have the experience of these yucky things in order for us to look at them and go, we don't wanna do that again. We don't wanna know that again. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And we have the judgments about it as human beings here. And then that all of that energy goes into the consciousness of the planet. And so now as human beings, we move forward after witnessing these things with a, an expanded state of clarity, an expanded state of understanding. And so the higher perspective is, well look, that was necessary 'cause look where you are now. And so. When you think that this is all we are a human being Yeah. Then yeah, it's horrible. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And how could that happen and why? If there's a God, would that happen? Why would God allow, you know, that's the perspective that God is allowing it or, right, right, right. You know, whatever. Yeah. Um, when in reality it's, we come here by choice to have experiences so that we can become more Matt Kosterman: to grow Laura O'Malley: and we're growing and we can decide to judge and experience is bad or good, but from the higher perspective, there's not a bad experience because they all contribute. Matt Kosterman: Because ultimately every being that's here, every eight plus billion. Has made the choice to come in and have this set of, this set of experiences that they are having. Yes. Yes. As hard as that is to wrap your head around. Yes. Laura O'Malley: Yes. Matt Kosterman: And, and for, for me to judge somebody else's experience is for me to play God. Laura O'Malley: Yes. Matt Kosterman: And to question their choice as a being. Yes. And God source energy's choice Laura O'Malley: and the backbone of it all is that they're coming in and they're choosing to have that experience because they understand how powerful it's going to be. Yes. And, and the contribution it's going to make to the consciousness. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. I mean, Paul, I love what one of the things that Paul's guides often says, you know, if you want to learn humility. What better way than to incarnate as a homeless person? Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: You're gonna learn it really. You're gonna get a really big experience of humility. Not that I'm advocating homelessness, you know, but that, that's gonna be a, a lesson or you're gonna come in, you know, I saw some, you know, I saw some kids, uh, that were, uh, sighting, uh, couldn't see blind with canes outside the grocery store this morning. I just, you know, I, it brought tears to my eyes. Yeah. And I thought, wow, what, what are they? Imagine what they're learning, and through that experience of not being able to see in this world. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Yeah. And, and so to judge that as bad or wrong, and that's fine because obviously somebody out there is judging that as bad or wrong. And so then they're like, oh, maybe I'm gonna grow up and be a doctor, or maybe I'm gonna invent something that's gonna, and so all of that is positive. Right. But again. That is why we are here. All of it is a contribution. All of it is a contribution. Matt Kosterman: And, and I think there's a sense, and I've been working with this, but there's this sense that for whatever reason, the lower vibrational stuff that's still stuck in there, or the programming that I, I'm, I'm not allowed to feel this expanded. I, I'm, I'm not, you know, I'm not Because as, as you feel, as you start to expand things in your life, drop away. Yeah. Things that lower vibrations drop away. Yeah. Automatically. Automatically. But there's a, there's a longing for them. There's a mourning for them, but there's also a, there's a a, a pulling down Laura O'Malley: or a conditioned worry Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: A conditioned worry. Like, I can't do that. I, I'm not that kind of, you know, quote unquote, I'm not that kind of person that doesn't care. Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: Right. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Yeah. That, that I need to, you know, Ali and I had this discussion in our session the other day, like, you know, she was a social worker that, and she was conditioned she had to, to do that. But you're, you're, you're just as valid a human to be the CEO of a multinational company. I mean, it, it, you're, no, right. Yeah. And, and, and for you, for, for you to judge yourself as more or less in either role, you're not God. Yeah. You're a part of God, but you're not ultimately Laura O'Malley: the, the, the exciting part of this, the good news in my opinion mm-hmm. In this, in this information, in this knowledge, is that no matter where you are, if you start looking at everything as an opportunity, you start to build your vibrational level. You spend less linear moments here focusing on, uh, the victim. You know, victimhood, victimness of yourself, um, and you just distract yourself away from that thought altogether. I'm not saying that bad things didn't happen to people, bad things happened to me, you know, that I perceive as bad. But here's an interesting little story about the person that sexually abused me. So he passed away and, um, I was sitting in a meditation and I felt him, I felt his energy come to me, and I felt like it was an eerie sensation. And I knew that he had had passed away. And I felt him come to me and, and I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm putting my hand out in front of me. No, no. And um, in that moment I saw. A child and a, a, a robed gown adult man, because I could see the hand. Mm-hmm. I couldn't see the face on the man, but it was a man in some kind of religious gowns, robes with like mm-hmm. Yeah. This, the dressing coming down the front. And this four, I would, I wanna say he's three, four years old. 4-year-old boy. Um, holding the hand of the man and I was looking into the eyes of the little boy, and in that moment I knew it was my Matt Kosterman: grandfather. Mm. Laura O'Malley: I knew it was him as a child, I knew that this happened to him. Mm. I knew, I knew, I knew. I got crazy goosebumps. Yeah. I get it. And energy all over my body. I've got 'em now. And I immediately started sobbing. Mm-hmm. Immediately. And all I wanted to do was take that little boy mm-hmm. And put my arms around him and hug him and save him. Right. Yeah. Right. And that it's like. That was the energy of my grandfather coming through. But I felt this other energy also. And I said, no, no, no. And um, the energy in the middle, like the, the, Matt Kosterman: the, the, the neutral Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Said to me, your grandfather just wants to, um, thank you for forgiving him. Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: And I said, no, no, I did not forgive Matt Kosterman: him. Laura O'Malley: And they said, well, of course you did. Yes you did. Because I did, I saw him as a child and I, all I wanted to do is Matt Kosterman: you saw where it came from. Laura O'Malley: And as soon as they told me that I had forgiven him, I, you know, start crying my eyes out. But I did know, I did know that I had forgiven him and now I say prayers for him. Yeah. I mean, he's in my prayers at night. Never would I have thought that that was possible f from me. But I understand from this higher perspective now, and I've done a lot of work to be able to get myself to the higher perspective. You know, I don't know what the statistic that they say about sexual abuse, you know? Um, Matt Kosterman: it's probably low, Laura O'Malley: but probably on the lower side. I think it's grown over the years because more people have become honest about it. Yeah. But I do know that, um, you know, I had a client come to me recently and I get lots of clients Yeah. That have experienced sexual abuse, and I'm sure that's because I can understand. Matt Kosterman: Well, you, your, your guides made me aware that I was sexually abused. Yeah. As a, as a young child that I had, even with a whole lot of psychedelic trips and all that, I didn't, I had no, no presence to it. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: But it makes, it, it it ties out. Laura O'Malley: Yes. Um, there's a lot of, of. Smashed down memories, right? Matt Kosterman: Mm-hmm. Laura O'Malley: Um, but they, they, when I say they, the collectives I work with, they have said to me, you know, this is part of the consciousness of the planet. Sexual abuse. It is part of the consciousness of the planet. And so it is not very unusual. We think it's unusual from the human perspective. When we find out about it, we don't talk about it. We hide it. Yeah. It's a secret shame. Secret shame. Because the shame, right? Shame. It's Matt Kosterman: a low vibration, Laura O'Malley: but they're like, it's not unusual and it is happens to. So let me just ask right now, ask, what would you say the percentage of the people on the earth? So they're showing me different locations. Okay, so let's, let's go United States then, like 90 something. Yes. 94, 90%. So they're saying 94% of people have. Experienced some kind of Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And it Matt Kosterman: goes with, you know, hurt people. Hurt people. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. So, again, for us to say, that's terrible. That's terrible. Yeah. It is terrible. And Right. Right. And when you think about these, especially children, right. But if you pull your perspective up and you try as, as, as much as you can to hold the higher perspective and recognize that we're actually coming here to have some of these yucky experiences so that source can expand and that from the perspective of the consciousness of the planet, now we see what it's done. You know, when you look back on this whole, the whole Catholic church Right. You know? Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Now we see and, and we're not standing for it anymore. Matt Kosterman: Right. We're here to, we're shifting it. Laura O'Malley: And we're shifting it. Yeah. And we are demanding better. Of Matt Kosterman: everyone. Right? Because at not only the level of humanity, embodied humanity, but at a higher level, we've agreed enough of this Yeah. We're, we're moving out of this. Yeah. And just like our individual vibrations, it's difficult to move them overnight when you think about 8 billion people mm-hmm. Moving the vibration. Mm-hmm. But it was David Hawkins, the, the, the embo, uh, enlightened psychiatrist that said it was, I think was maybe the late eighties when it was the first time humanity's collective consciousness shift into the, shifted into the positive realm, into the Yeah. And that Laura O'Malley: it takes a, a lower number of high vibrational people to shift it into a higher consciousness because, and the reason is, is because the lower vibration even, you know, we look around the world and we think that the world is going to shit. Right? Matt Kosterman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: That lower vibrational level doesn't hold as much weight power. It doesn't hold the power because it's illusion. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And so it, the the the, the scale is being tipped Matt Kosterman: Well, yeah. And toward the Laura O'Malley: higher vibration by less people, by Matt Kosterman: fewer people than you would Yeah, because my, when I initially started down this path, I thought and started doing some pretty deep work and I thought, oh my God, you know, everybody's gotta go do this, and how, how long is that gonna take ev? You know? 'cause I'm, I've been, I'm out there as you know. Yeah. Uh, you know, and it was at our workshop last weekend or two weeks ago, whenever it was that I heard your, your guides say for the first time. No, it's really, uh, they sort of put a number to it. It's a, a, a couple of hundred thousand and they didn't really elaborate, but my, in my intuition was, it, it, it's a couple hundred thousand people on the planet that are going to be moving into an enlightened. Christ consciousness. Yeah. Enlightened energy. And that is going to pull, and I'm feeling the energy of that right now. Laura O'Malley: They, they were explaining, I remember that now that you're saying that, and I don't remember a lot of what was channeled that day, but you remember that. 'cause it's been changing. But they, they were saying it, it makes a difference what level each individual fractional of the soul consciousness is at. So there, there's, I I mean, I'm assuming that there is a very mathematical equation Sure. Has to be to show the The tipping point. The tipping point, right? Matt Kosterman: Right. Laura O'Malley: And so when you look at these higher frequency human beings. Each one vibrating at a different frequency. Yeah. Matt Kosterman: The rom the rom dos, the, the, the Krishna, the, you know, the Jesus Christ and, and yeah. Laura O'Malley: And maybe even some regular people. Totally. That we've never heard of. A hundred percent. Because they aren't published. Right. They're not on social media. Right. They still have that power. Well, Matt Kosterman: like the, the monks meditating in caves in Tibet are holding a, a really high vibra, holding a high vibrational energy Yeah. For the planet in order to counterbalance the millions of people in poverty and, Laura O'Malley: yeah. Matt Kosterman: And famine, et cetera. Crazy. Laura O'Malley: Just how so? Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Laura O'Malley: Crazy and cool and fun and exciting and Matt Kosterman: Yeah. And we're, and we chose to be here for it, Laura O'Malley: for it right now, right now. So true. Every time I read historical fiction, I'm like, I wish I was alive. You know, when King Henry and I got, and they were like, huh, maybe, maybe. Yeah, maybe that's why you're reading this book right now. Matt Kosterman: Right, right. And, and and, and the real kind of mind fuck is that that all is happening right now? Right now. The King Henry stuff. Yeah. Right. Laura O'Malley: Yeah. Matt Kosterman: Because the, the linear time is an illusion for us to have these experiences and Laura O'Malley: yeah, they, you know, they gave me a visual that finally made me understand it. Matt Kosterman: What was what? Laura O'Malley: So I think, I know I've showed you this before, so if I put my hands out, um, you know, at like body's length. And they were showing me like, here's a linear moment, here's a linear moment, here's a linear moment. And so it creates like distance between my two hands in front of me. And then you take your left hand and you draw it down and draw your right hand on top of it, Matt Kosterman: Uhhuh. Laura O'Malley: And then you push your hands together. And so it's really just like one stacking upon the next. But this is linear time and it's necessary, again, like the ego being a construct of this physical realm. It's a necessary realm because we have to have memories in order to give our focus of attention to the past in order to ignite feelings. Matt Kosterman: For the contrast, for the contrast, for the purpose, for the purpose of the contrast, Laura O'Malley: and for the future the same. Matt Kosterman: Because I know, I think it was the very, the very first session that I had with you, you know I said 'cause back, back home. Back home. Laura O'Malley: Back home. Matt Kosterman: We're all loving light. We know we're loving light. It's, it's contentment on up. Yeah. Laura O'Malley: And, and it's not possible for us to be afraid, angry. Feel the fear Angry or anger or be shameful. Matt Kosterman: Or be, yeah. Yeah. And because Laura O'Malley: we know who we are. Matt Kosterman: Yeah. So, hey folks, while you're here, wallow in it. Take it all in. Laura O'Malley: Be grateful for every moment. For every moment. And trust that every moment's a gift because it is, Matt Kosterman: it is. It's, yeah. Well, this was amazing as I knew it was going to be Laura O'Malley: woo woo. I, I was under the impression I was gonna be channeling the entire time. Matt Kosterman: And you weren't. Laura O'Malley: No, I didn't at all. It's crazy. No. It's Matt Kosterman: funny. It was. Yeah. I thought maybe too with, Hey, the next one. I don't know. Maybe the next one. Yeah. Well thanks for coming down to the street. Thanks for having me, Matt. This was awesome. I know how much you love two 90. Laura O'Malley: It's an experience. Yeah. Necessary for my soul girl. Yeah. Said I know, and it was, I was blasting my Disney music. Yes. The whole way here. Matt Kosterman: Yes. Disney. Disney pulls down a lot of royalties on you as there be, as there are more Lauras you can go long on Disney stock. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Alright, dear. Alright, thank you. You're Laura O'Malley: welcome. Thank you.